Ok short one. Going to work in 5 mins.

Capoeira class today was...ok...not so ok.. ok not bad. I was late, so being me, I sat out of class until they formed the 2 lines and Alif came over and asked me to join the class coz mestre not around. =_="' (note the eye bags =P) Then we did S-dobrado, like...haaiz. Most dreaded, but it was kinda ok...surprisingly. Could feel the little momentum today when usually I would juz pretend my way through. Then today's a good right side Au day. Got a bit of feeling. Doesn't look like any improvement, but at least today got feeling. Must try to keep getting that feeling. Roda was a little encouraging. Must keep trying new moves and improve on the old ones. Then realised the importance of covering the face with my arms coz today nearly kena whacked in the face by faceira's dunno wat move (it's the kick following the role). Luckily my arm was there to take the blow. (owww...)

K 2mr no class. Meeting Dev. Monday 1pm East Coast. Can be late.

Now..work.

Later got class, cannot sleep too late le... but I can stay till the end of class today coz I working at 11.30 tonight. Yeppiez~

Ok.. I'm still awake... was trying to clean a teeny bit of my room, which includes keeping this piece of card which my mother drew for my birthday. Wanted to keep it in this red file where I store papers that had some meaning to me, or so I thought. Looked through this thick pile of sheets in one slot and realised how stupid I was when I was younger, or rather, how stupid I STILL was when I was in Sec1. I printed out every single email I received from people I know and do not know (back then I IRCed ALOT and got to know alot of people I dun even remember now.). So yeah feeling haunted by my past, I tore up every piece of it and soaked them under water to smudge the ink. Wanted to burn them but too much already. That done. Geez...didn't know e red file had such stuff. Didn't even remember myself as such an ass. Yuck..!

K..new blog layout..so must show this B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L picture of my No. 3 idol again!
~Camui Gackt rulez 4eva~

Hello bloggy. I'm feeling lucky this morning. Went to my little sister's room, wanted to steal abit of the chocobabies that I bought her a day ago. Then I saw at the bottom of the note that I wrote to her, she pasted the bottom of the note down on the container and wrote the date and time that I gave the chocobabies to her. And she haven't even started eating them. Last night my mother told me that she couldn't bear to eat them. Overnight already and she still hasn't touched them. Aren't I lucky...? =)

With a sister like this, it doesn't matter anymore even if the whole world looks down on me. It doesn't matter anymore if the people I like fall for the girls close to me. It doesn't matter if ugliness and inferiority haunts me forever. I'm a lucky girl already. =)

Work was...haai... everytime my line runs, there'll be so many people helping me, sometimes I feel so redundant. But thanks to them, we cleared the jams whenever there were. So yeap, really appreciate everyone's help. Especially when the witch created such a mess and confusion at my line. The ppl upstairs must never have seen the witch so blur before to think she's such a nice person.

But actually she's quite nice larh... we're just too impatient with her...

Ooh...Cory treated me to salted fish fried rice...yummy yum yum... one day must bring food from home give her...

I still can't do 1 arm push-ups. Think I forgot how to do, instead of being unable to do...must keep trying.. once my shoulder recovers.

22 storeys - 3mins 52secs

Still perspiring from climbing the stairs. This morning eat too much chocolate. Some more yesterday before sleep ate noodles. Den last last night at noodles at 4am. Put on 2 kg. Now pull-up can't even go up 90 degrees. Sad.

And I've come to an even more saddening realisation. I cannot even do 1 one-arm push-up anymore. Used to be able to do 3 on the right side. Now can't even do one. I have really put on weight. Stupid midnight snacking...

Stupid me...

Yesterday my mother gave me the money I earned from giving tuition. My elder sis was offering me oneh-oneh which her student(my student's sister) made but I was like "dun care, dun wanna try." Haai.. since when did I become so mean arh...

Anyway used the tuition fees to pay off the money I owe my mother, though I wanted to give the money to my elder sister. Maybe I should. Later ask my mother.. count it as I give her money from work. Then I'll still owe my mother money..

Ok and I've decided to highlight my hair blue, cut my hair a little shorter...make it as thin as possible.. and I'll go for my sister's wedding. But if I have to work on that day, I'm not taking leave. Den I'll have to spend more money to dye my hair brown... dunno whether possible not... but we'll see when the time comes.

Oh..let's see...now my right shoulder hurts. Stupid one-arm push-ups. Didn't know I can't do them anymore so fell on it. Stupid partner must have been cursing me coz I took his pen and nearly brought it home. Who wants his pen anyway. I have 3 exactly the same ones. Eeeww..*hair-raising* Must try to click the loose joints back into place, otherwise tonight die. left hand haven't ok, right hand injured le.

Hope the muscle aches on my thighs come back soon... I miss them.. my thighs too flabby le... my arms too...

Later watching last night's CSI, den go sleep. Nowadays at night 9pm channel 8 got chinese version of CSI. So bo liao loh. My father shares the same sentiments. Then again, I dun like Aileen Tan and they gave her such a pro role. Make me so sian of the show. Anyway have been leaving the house at 9pm to go Carrefour before going work so I only watched 1 of the 3 episodes and didn't like it. Too much like CSI le, and it looks so unreal..

K... bath time...

Slept on the bus on the way home just now. So I'm wide awake. Cooking my breakfast now.

Just now met Mr Ho from KWSH when I passed the place. Miss volunteering at the hospital... Today's the 7th day of CNY le, still no reply from Miss Soon. Think I dun need to go down le larh...sad..

Work was hectic today.

Hope tonight will be better. Hope my hand not so painful le.

Look at the time...and I'm still awake... I can't sleep!! Toss and turn, toss n turn still cannot sleep...

Oh.. the foto I took with him..got stuck in my organizer. When I pulled it out, parts of my face kena stuck to the organizer..yeah so I got disfigured. Well at least his face is still clear.

Ok..den my mother just allowed me to highlight my hair blue, PROVIDED I attend my sister's wedding dinner. Haai... blue hair or brown hair.. go sister's wedding or dun go sister's wedding... I dun wanna go lorhz.. but I can't imagine myself with my hair dyed either... hmm...

I think the things I typed abt work is getting too long. Think I'll type it outside of blog somewhere... den even if ppl at work did find my blog, I won't b too embarrassed by it...

Home early again! Budden hor..the building so dark again, and my mother not home le, so cannot press bell, die die must find the keyhole.

Woke up at 8+ last night. Ate liao den go PS Carrefour buy chocolates. Wanted to buy the 340g one but dun haf the flavour dat e gerger want so I bought 2 packets of the 140g one. So expensive can? But I predicted that I would kapo alot from her larh so must buy more.

Den finished shopping too early so I went 7-11 buy Lime Mag keep me busy. So long nvr buy dat magazine le. But got Vanness, my sister might wanna see. Den take bus to work, den stone at bus stop for very long before going in.

Work was...fun~ My line's running again! And it was nice to see all 3 of them 2gether again. But we kena jam again coz must power the hps. But yeah today nvr do E365! And the witch kept coming to my line to help. But horh, stupid witch still bring food in give us eat. Heh...at first didn't want to eat one, den she put the food in the carton, den I cannot pack, so I eat loh. Stupid witch, she say dun need so rush coz last 2 cartons already, but harlo, line beside us jam liao loh...

Wrist pain from practising the balancing on the hands thingy... lost my balance and fell on my left wrist. During work tried to paste Salonpas on it, but I kept perspiring den the Salonpas kept coming out so I continued working without it. Later wake up if got time must find some pharmacy buy the tape thingy or elastic bandage put medicine den cover up. Haiyoh den everyone will say I injured still can work.. bandage for show ah.. but I always lidat one larh.. injured abit dun take care wait saturday cannot play capoeira. =P Today carry cartons so xin ku... but small pain can bear larh.. carry 3 cartons together den start pain le...

Hmm...den funny things started happening.

Den...Feel so lucky to be able to know these ppl at work. Luckily all of them younger than me...and unfortunately I so ugly... otherwise maybe can get to know them better. I got jiejies, got one big brada, got a whole lot of meis here (+ my really close biological younger sis), but no didis...no xiao didis to confide in me. But then again... I am me, and being me, I dun wanna have too many friends.

K..go sleep...

Sleepy.. though I slept on the bus on the way back and missed my stop and had it loop all the way back home again.

Let's recap. Yesterday woke up at 2.15pm, mother almost didn't let me go for capoeira class coz I was so tired. But I still crawled out of bed, got my stuff packed and took a train down. Even managed to reach Substation before 3pm. Kaoz...could have saved my $6 yesterday. Stupid shit...

Then class started loh..den I again alot of moves cannot do loh..den very the frustrated loh...but I stayed on loh...then roda kannasai loh...den damn dulan oredi loh..den I go in again...den I come out..den I go in..den I come out...den I nvr play liao. Immediately after class I rushed to the toilet to shower loh..den I go bus stop wait for bus. Luckily no bus come arh.. ppl at my workplace call me to tell me work time change from 6.30pm to 11.30pm start work when the bus just arrived. So I went back to substation den ask Devina if I can go her place for spagetti too loh. And so I went...

Den go her house, so many ah mahs dere..den I nvr give oranges to bai nian den they give me so many angbaos..feel so bad sia.. Devina's mother say use the house oranges to bai nian but cannot lidat larh... in e end I oso didn't bai nian.. just wish them happy new year only..

Oh den the spagetti very nice..expired cheese oso very nice, go home immediately shit it out. heh.. But I too tired le I guess.. go her house her pillow on the couch so big, floor so comfy..slept a little there.. den on e bus standing oso fell asleep.. on the bus back oso sleep.. woke up at Dunman road and I tot I exceeded my stop again. Luckily didn't loh. Went home, shit le den go for work le. Sundays horh.. the whole of Little India will squeeze in the 857 one..so I took 13 to Yio Chu Kang den change 70. Must find other bus routes, coz 13 the journey si beh long arh...!!!

Den go work..den today almost got no work...

Hmm.. I just found a sock on the floor.. yesterday I just threw the other one into the washing machine thinking I left one behind.. so that's where the other sock is.. still in my room stinking on e floor... hmm..I very messy horh...

I think E365 hates me as much as I hate it. I'm so cursed by it. 1st kena software problem, den my production line had to stop for 3 days already, den left battery inside handphone, den copy wrong dj, den dunno wat else can happen larh..

K...shit time..den clear my room abit...play game abit.. den sleep... Later must wake up early buy chocolates for this gerger who helped me find the battery I left in the handphone.

I'm home earlier today! Yep..sky was still dark even when I reached home. It was so dark in the corridor I couldn't find the lock and had to press the doorbell. Woke my dad up.

I used umbrella today. So irritated with myself, but I was too lazy to bring my windbreaker out. =P

Wasted $6 on cab fare yesterday to get to capoeira class. Woke up at 3pm, it was raining and I figured I'd be late if I took a bus down. So I took a cab, cabby made a wrong turn, (or rather I gave the wrong directions causing him to make the wrong turn) and reached Substation 20mins early! hmmp...

Class was...grr... couldn't do the moves we had to do in the 2 lines...

AU girl AU...

Haai....

Hmm... mother made me breakfast. She wanted to heat up the noodles in the microwave but burnt the top of it so I had crispy noodles instead! And they turned out nicer than the noodles below that were warm and supposedly nicer.. heh...

I got dark rings! Yeah so I look like I kena punched in the eyes...

Sianz...

Work was...

Horrible...
Terrible...
Worst so far...
Not that there was alot of work...
But DAMN IT LARH WHY DO I KEEP MAKING MISTAKES!?!??!?!

Why is it that the boss looks for my partner and makes him bear the responsibility when it was my fault?! Why does my partner not share it with me?! Hello?! I'm turning 19 this year! 2 years older than him! Damn it do I have a face that cannot be trusted?

Maybe I do...

Haai... wish I didn't have to get paid for working yesterday. I really hate taking money that I do not deserve....

Raining now... had a walk in the rain...eating soggy chips... slept on the bus on the way home from work, miss the stop home and rode the bus all the way to Suntec City and back, missed the stop again and alighted one stop after the designated one.

Haai... hope later will be a better day at work. But I better not be too cheerful otherwise the people there think I moody the whole day coz the shuai didi not around, when actually it was because I was so freaking pissed with myself for making the worst mistakes ever...

Wat a way to start the new year...

Blogs are so quiet these days although it's the public holidays.

My cousins (mother's side) came over just now. They just left. 2 of them. Guys. Haven't seen them for almost 2 years, the younger one more. Now they look so different, but so handsome. One dyed his hair, younger one has ear piercings. No wonder despite their family background, they still have girlfriends. At least the younger one has. The older one's same age as myself. Man I feel so inferior.

I wanna get my hair dyed! 15 days after the new year.

Been a long time since I last put up a song. Saw this FF8 mpg file at my angel's place. Told him I like it very much and he burned it into a cd for me. Here's the song :

"Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why

But under skinned knees and the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return


Chorus
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why

You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say

Chorus

But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for

Out of the island
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return

Chorus

I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why
And I don't know why
Why
I don't know " - Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon

Yup... someone out there is all I ever wanted, but that guy no longer means anything to me...

Coz I wanna be alone...

Hi. Juz returned home abt 15mins ago. Finished bai nian-ing the relatives, then went to 'his' place to..er...bai nian. Well.. I wouldn't consider it bai nian lah, coz I went, den his father like...I didn't even finish my well wishes and he took the oranges and gave me another 2 and den walked away. Didn't even give me ang bao! Well, at least I wasn't expecting one coz his father's jobless now. Well his grandmother woke up later and gave me one so I got ang bao in e end. Should have given the grandmother the oranges. She's so much nicer.

Then I was exploring his room...full of stuff..heh.. think he last minute find space to display the stuff I bought him. They look really out of place, hehe. Then he was sharing with me his FF8 stuff (common interest, our fantasy world), den he was helping me look for a picture for him to make into a jigsaw for me. It's gonna cost him a bomb sia... the picture that I chose...

Nabbed quite a few of his cds back. Got games, got songs, got the webpage making thingy. And I found liquorice allsorts on a table and he said I could eat them so I was trying out every single one of them. Hehe... found a couple that I liked very much. Think I ate too much. =P Luckily I finished the water earlier otherwise I would have eaten, den drink water, den I wouldn't stop coz the disgusting taste wouldn't be strong enough to stop me. =P

Heh..he's botak now. Not shuai le.

Then..I had to go home. Late oredi. So he walked me to the bus stop. And he told me that his parents think I'm his girlfriend coz I gave him a lot of things. Luckily he told them the truth.

What does it mean when you just hug a close friend, but he hugs you really tightly, like he doesn't want to let u go? Usually when we hug, it's just like hugging another friend. Today.. weird. NS must have done something to him. Heh..

Well I know what I want. It's impossible for me to love again someone whom I once love den had to forget. Feel kinda sad..that no matter how close we are, he's still not my kinda guy. Besides, despite all that have happened, I wasn't confused, whether to try and accept him.

I do not want to be with him. I want to remain single.
All my life.

For now, and forever, he will just be, my guardian angel.

Miss Soon sent me a really cute picture message to wish me happy new year. So adorable of her.. I really must try to go down to KWSH to help out someday. Even if it means sacrificing my sleep.

Happy new year peepz~

Eyes feel like closing already... last night woke up at 12.30am. Couldn't sleep until 4.30am, woke up at 8.30am. Result of working at night eh...

So far so good. Only quite unhappy with my hair coz it's still black and bushy.

I have 2½ hrs before we leave the hse to go bai nian.. Can play game..

This morning my dad and my elder sister quarrelled, he nearly wanted to fan lian with her. Luckily my aunt stopped him, otherwise I would be the one quarrelling with him and new year would have been such a shitty one for me.

Just now give oranges to my mother. She was wishing me the good health good results stuff..den she said "hope u find a good boyfriend soon, if not den find a good temple to become a nun." Hehe.. so sweet...

2mr starting work again... haai... dunno to feel happy or sad...

Hope Devina cheers up soon...

& brada too...

Ok..so far the new year isn't going as planned. I didn't clean up my room, fell asleep at 6pm, so here I am awake rite now.

Can't seem to get the pic rite... think I'll juz put it at the side larh...if possible...

Didn't get my hair done, didn't get a bag, didn't get shoes, so unprepared for new year.

I didn't get my beer.

Doesn't matter. Just make e best out of wat I have.

Feel so bad that my parents have children who sleep before midnight on the eve of CNY... haai...

Heh..the radio playing Cai2 Shen2 Dao4. Reminds me of the day when kampong boy was at my line, he was singing this song, den tall handsome boyboy was going dong qiang dong qiang for the song... super funny...

I cannot believe I'm saying this, but I miss work.

Happy CNY peepz~ Have a Happy and Prosperous New Year~!

K added e comments thingy...
longer comments can go there instead of flooding e chatterbox.

Haha...expected my elder sis to quarrel with my mother over the wedding traditions. Dun care larh. Not my business to care. Dunno why my mother wants me to forgive her.

Haha... I'm so stoooopid.

Regarding my family tree... I'm not half malay half chinese, I'm 3/4 chinese 1/4 thai! Silly me didn't think that my grandfather could be a chinese. My great-grandfather's a Thai, great grandmother's Chinese, so my grandmother's a nonya, grandfather's a Chinese, so my dad's chinese and so am I!

Geez... only realise my roots after more than 18 years.

Since I'm not sleeping, I shall try to clean up my room. Starting with my cupboard. But first... my computer games which I have placed on hold since I started working.

And I'm finally getting my alcohol later! Wohoo! Yeah gonna open a can of beer while I clean up my room later.

Hey nobody commented on the song on my blog? =( I like this song...I lurRrrvE this song! Same sentiments anyone?

Can anyone see the nightcrawler pic?

22 storeys - 3mins 58secs

Yahoo...!! Was expecting a 5min+ timing coz I very long never climb the stairs up liao. And especially since I haven't been training for a very, very long time. I know the average ODAC member (during my time of course. these days the ODACkers siao one loh.. =P) can do 30 storeys in under 4 mins, but I quite happy liao larh. Must keep improving! Yeah.. and I'm not panting and perspiring as much as I usually do after climbing the steps, which means I didn't do a 100%, which means I could have done better! (I hope..)

Really hope some day I can start training with my dumbells again... then can burn the fat all over my arms and can feel the muscles on my lower arm again.. used to have them but then lost them coz I stopped going to the gym a year ago...and then I started eating again...

KWSH or shopping with my sister? Shopping with sister or KWSH? Ok... shopping with sister. Though I really miss KWSH. So long never go down there le... miss all the ah mahs.. Maybe I'll drop Ms Soon an email and ask her about the 7th day of CNY. Last year they had a function in the evening. Maybe can go help out again this year then go to work.

I'm not working tonight! And tomorrow night! So I'm not gonna sleep this morning. Can sleep at night! Yeppiez~ Haai dat means no money to earn...=(

But now no time to dye hair le.. or rather I too lazy.. and dun wish to pay. Then I can only cut my hair 15 days after CNY, usual practice at home. Doesn't matter. I dun really care much abt image. =P luckily..

Haai.. work was dreadful... my line didn't run! Haai... kena scolded wrongfully by the woman I can't stand at work. She forever picking on me. Wat to do? Accept it loh...my conscience clear can oredi. To hell with her. =P Haai.. I miss my line. Miss the people in my production line... no one gao3 gay for me to see... no entertainment... so sad... was telling everyone how much I miss my line.. hope the production guys dun hear of it.. wait they lose their appetite or kena nightmares...or 'daymares'.. hehe...

den another 2 days no work! Haai... can rest is one thing... no money is another thing.. if I return on friday and kena new line is one whole BIG thing. I dun wanna switch lines, neither do I want any of them to switch lines! Oh well... better not pray too hard.

KFC party quite screwed but it still went on. Luckily.

Happy CNY eve peepz~ Gonna try to stay awake otherwise I will fang4 my sister's fei1 ji1 again.

Omigod.. never thought I'd cry from reading a blog entry. But I read Mulata's latest entry and now I'm finally crying like I've never cried before. Hey Dev, we live in different families, but the way we feel towards them is almost similar. And I so admire ur courage, how u've been struggling so hard, hoping to make life better for u and the people around u. I admire how u always feel for others, want the best for others, want to fight for others who have been mistreated. You do the things that I wish I could do but never found the courage to. I'm such a hermit compared to you. That's why I look up to you even though u're 3 years younger than me.

Ok...I just woke up about an hour ago. Was supposed to meet my sister to buy my CNY clothes but I just continued to sleep. This year's just gonna be bad..and I'm just going to let it happen.

Had a whole load of dreams.. I knew it... but i can't remember them...

I'm not going to dye or highlight my hair.. though I've been telling many people at work about it... so sad...

Well.. after sleeping... I wake up.. to find myself thinking about this...
If my grandmother married a malay... it would mean my dad's malay, which would mean I should be a malay, but I'm chinese, and my dad's chinese. So maybe it was my great grandmother who married a malay, but den my grandmother would still be a malay, and my dad a malay, which still makes me a malay? But my grandmother's a peranakan...hey em, you know how it works better than me. can help me out here?

And then I was thinking about this analogy. Life's a piece of shit. We get held back and compressed(i.e. stressed) like shit and finally when we emerge we feel free for a moment before rushing into a whole load of other shit,sewage(probbies). True? Maybe.

Ok some cheerful thoughts. 'kampong boy' who was initially at my line at work but went over to another line is back at my line again. And he's a real good singer. Chinese, hokkien, watever. And I just said I want to hear Jay Chou's Yi Fu Zhi Ming and he sang it! Rap and all. cool...

K going off soon to meet the ppl at work downstairs. We're having a KFC party tonight. They're buying the food from the KFC at my place.

Take care peeps.

Life's a piece of shit.

Time's 10.30am. Was actually really really really...tired... eyes on the brink of closing...

But I just couldn't drag myself to bed.

I dunno why there're so many things bothering me.

There's this malay family staying one floor below my home...the stray dog's crying again coz they're beating it. When I say again, I mean again. It happens everyday. And I thought malays weren't supposed to touch dogs... it just ruins my respect for them...i've always held malays in high regard... sigh...

Haai...the only person I can think of talking to rite now is Mulata, but she's probby in e shower rite now... but guess she got too much on her mind, and if I too tell her my probbies she'll probby blow... and I dun want that to happen to her coz it happens to me all e time and it sucks. Totally...

Sleep...

I'm juz stoning in front of my computer... or rather... my sister's. Not that my computer's spoilt. Trying to fix the nightcrawler pic thingy...

Getting this weird feeling again... juz wish all guys out there will stop being nice to me... I dun wanna start liking anyone. Feel so sick and tired of it, coz it always get me no where.

Hate Chinese guys. Super shallow peeps. I'm not going to allow myself to fall in love with a Chinese. Which means I cannot get married coz my mother doesn't allow it. I dun get it. My dad's half chinese-half malay. She still married him...

I think I'm really tired... or troubled.. by some stuff... I haven't been a good friend. Seriously.

Why am I working myself so hard? Why doesn't the amount of money I earn bother me? Why is it that I don't feel sad when I'm underpaid? Why do I just accept such things?

I skipped break today. Both breaks. Only went to the locker, drank a little water, and went back to work. I made Violet wait for me, help me with my work, den had her eat by herself coz I saw my fellow QA's work more important than eating with her. I stupid? She really very poor thing loh.. her partner left for break with a whole lot of stuff to do. Everytime I finished my pile I would go over to her and she would be surrounded by piles and piles of cartons of stuff... I can't go to break and leave her like that. I really cannot loh...

Violet I know u're angry with me. I may be unfeeling but I can see it when u're really angry. I'm sorry...

Haai.. I dunno what's going on inside me.. my hands and feet are turning cold... same feeling I get whenever I get phonecalls... but this time the cause of it is not a phonecall... I dunno... I really need a day off from work... or maybe just a few hours to myself...

I hope my sis doesn't look forward to going out with me later (though she usually does.) coz I think I badly need the time to myself...to get my stuff... alone.

Yeah... I just need to be alone... alone... alone...

Oh God...why don't u just let me cry...why make me so upset yet dun allow me to cry it out...

Everyday I come home from work, I pass the bar counter in the living room, see the wine behind the counter. I open the fridge and I see the cans of beer before I see the coke below. I go to my room.. I bathe..den I blog.. den I sleep.

Then just now I keep walking to the fridge..open the door.. see the cans of beer.. den I close the door... over n over again.

I've been working for 3 weeks already. I've stopped drinking (alcohol) for 3 weeks already. I've been stopping myself from drinking in case I get sleepy at work...

I feel so alcohol-deprived.

Anyway..just woke up 2 hours ago.. slept so much... coz e past 2 days really too tired le... haai.. sleep so much... majiam cow...

Hmm...just shared a portuguese egg tart with my mother.. my dad so sweet.. since the day I told him I've never tried portuguese egg tarts before he bought 6 for me and I say I like them den he keeps buying everytime he pass by the shop..

Hmm..1st capoeira movements everywhere we go..den capoeira songs everywhere we go.. den we start talking with portuguese words every now n then.. den at work joke abt using capoeira on ppl we dun like... now eating portuguese egg tarts... capoeira fever arh...

Later still got work...

Tired... for once I feel tired after work...

Work... was... kinda fun. Though I wish I didn't do the wrong stuff. For once(again) we cleared the lot without the help of others. Yepz. And the people in my line are getting nuttier by the night. But they're a great source of entertainment, otherwise I would have been sianed to the bone...

And thanks to them, I got really hyper during work, was kinda at one of my fastest speed, even after close to 2 hours of capoeira before that.

Yep... capoeira class was... er... haaiz. Got good got bad larh. Sequences were better coz no rasteiras! Yeah... I need lotsa help with rasteiras. And Martelos. And my Aus.. which actually adds up to everything! I am such a shit... and mestre keeps telling me "azeitona no sleep!" Haai.. I wasn't tired.. I really cannot do loh... then in the roda.. I fell...while doing my au to the right side... and guess mestre got fed up or something...haai... sad... den I left towards the end of class to prepare for work. Actually on Sundays I can just wait till the end of class, den I leave. Noted the times for the bus already. Stay until the end of class still can make it in time for work.

Oh den the funny parts of capoeira class.. saw the most amusing face of a stunned person. Hahaa... yah "u". =P Then super funny sia this one... there was this bird dat just flew straight at the window and created a great impact. The few of us in front were like giggling away. Simpatia even went "omigosh." Wahahaa... can u imagine trying to hold back ur laughter while doing the ginga... (was thinking about it at the bus stop after work and couldn't help but laughed aloud to myself. I think the lady beside me thought I was going nuts from work.) Cannot help it larh... so funny lorh...

Poor bird.

Hehe.. which reminds me of work again a couple of days back. There was lots to do mah.. so my partner was going "shen me niao..." abit the meaning of "wat the hell..." den the guy at production was translating for the malay lady beside him and he went "he said 'What Bird' ". But the way he said ah.. really funny larh...

Haiyoh cannot take it le.. This morning I super tired... not from capoeira class, nor from work, but from laughing too much at these places...

Sleep...

Can anyone see the Nightcrawler pic? Haai... keep updating me leh... coz I can view it on my computer... so I dunno abt everyone else...

Kekee.. gonna try and blog as early as possible! =P Den I can sleep earlier...

Went for 1 hour of capoeira class yesterday. Feel so... duhz... coz like we juz finish stretching den I hafta go le.. like I was juz getting warmed up den it's 5 already...Actually nxt week onwards I can leave at ard 5.30pm.. shld still b able to make it...unless I want dinner.

Went to Citylink MPH to pass something to my very dear friend. Yup..Shan ah oso wished I had the time to stay and talk but I working at 6.30pm. Really nice to see u again... and I like ur hair...=P Oh.. luckily I turned up later arh.. otherwise see him and her den I will feel super gan1 ga4...=P Take care arhz...

Yup den realised I left my rubber band in the substation toilet so went back to get it. Hey.. Dev sorry for keeping it from you, I went back for my rubber band and not my wallet. So stupid eh? But that's me. Den I rush down to work le... reached workplace on the dot. Heng ah...

Weird larh.. 12 hours of work and I'm still wide awake.. den always after sleep wake up den feel tired. I tink I ate too much at 1am this morning. Got heavier overnight le...

Anyway, work was slightly more fun, though I made a serious mistake(which luckily didn't get found out). Then got some time the attitude girls got some problem and quarrelled, but from where I was stationed, I didn't notice a thing though the taller guys beside me were like "eh fighting already, fighting already!" Anyway I was too busy larh.

Oh... den during break, Violet asked me to ask the guys in my production line for the soccer results, den I went lah. Then the guy suddenly pretend like want to fight lidat, gave me a shock, so I grabbed his arm and pushed him back to his chair larh. Heh.. scared that they will scare Violet larh...(did they?) Anyway, they behaved that way coz they thought my friend (coz when I asked them I told them "my friend" wanna know the soccer results mah...) was a guy so they wanted to fool around. But the thing that shocked me most was how smooth the guy's arm was... it was like...kaoz I think my hands are rougher than his loh... I got more hair on my arms than he does arh... so envious...=P

Ok.. then I must clarify something. Coz there's this common misconception that I'm working at a pub just because I tell people I'm working night shift. I am working at a factory. F-A-C-T-O-R-Y. Pubs aren't the only places open at night. =P Silly peepz. Heh. Hey pubs only want beauties k? Where got short, fat and ugly girls go work at pub one? =P Only few people at capoeira class think I can go. So sweet... but only in my dreams eh? Hehee...

Which reminds me... I'm missing out on my night life sia. My dad was telling me a couple of nights ago that Zali (yes my idol the percussionist) was playing at Oceanstar! Aaaahhhh... but I really cannot go anymore larh... Haai sad. I miss the place, I miss my weekly dose of alcohol, miss the band, the songs... The Songs... I miss listening to Ree Ha play the songs I love... songs by Deep Purple, Led Zeppelin, Guns N Roses, Uriah Heep... I miss my favourite song... Sunrise...

Speaking of sunrise. I just saw the most beautiful sunrise in Singapore, 2nd to the one I saw at Tioman Island last year. I could see the rainbow in the sunrise, dark blue..to blue...sky blue...yellow...orange...den red behind the shadows of the trees... If I could leave the workplace before the sky brightens I'll catch the sunrise on the bus ride on the way home... Sweet...

That's reward for me after a night's work.. den go home my mother always has a cup of honey for me before I go to sleep... Sweeter...

Now.. sleep... otherwise later capoeira class = stone...

Ok..today's my turn to feel guilty towards the people at work. Actually not everyone. Just one person. The 16 year old boy at production had his back facing me, busy with his work. Then I was calling another guy "eh shuai ge!" then the 16-year-old boy turned around happily and asked me if I was calling him and I just laughed really loudly, and very meanly larh.. saying "haha only you think u very shuai leh!" But I only realised the mistake I made after I said it. Sorry ah da ge... really leh... but can see he abit saddened by it loh. I mean.. who wouldn't?

So u see Devina? Dun have to feel so angry, coz I'm one of them as well...

Ok.. gotta go sleep... later needa go library return bk 1st den go class...den hafta leave early coz got work.

Hahah... wat did I just say? My computer's spoilt? No! Not yet! I fixed it yet again! Wahhahaa...

But that was coz I lost my sister's earring loh... can't find it anywhere at home.. must be lost at workplace loh... stupid workplace.. give me so many bad memories.. everyday I leave the place cursing the building.. wretched building where the boyfriend of the woman I used to call my sister works at...

Yah den I felt so guilty abt losing my sister's earring..too guilty to use her computer liao.. so I sat down and tried fixing my computer again... and I did it! But it's only temporary larh.. if I ever get to earn enough money to pay off my debts, settle my capoeira and sign language course fees.. den I'll start piecing myself a new computer.

Anyway my sister's so sweet... she forgave me for losing the earring... ahhhh.... I'm such a lucky girl sia... *big big huggies for my sister!*

Argh... I dunno how to fix the nightcrawler pic probby larh... *sobz*

Oh yeah...good idea from Farhan. My mother last time when dating my dad, my dad's side of the family always called my mother ah fei2 (ah fat larh..), den my mother oso so cheerful abt it. When I was younger and skinnier (hard to believe eh? but I was underweight before) I always made fun of my mother for being so fat she always blocked the passageway. Haha...

Hey Devina, really appreciate the way u're feeling so !@#% coz of the way the kids treated me. I'm touched, really. I just had a really bad day at a really bad time.

Later got work..again... den Saturday...work...Sunday...work... I wanna dye hair... but I also dun wanna go alone leh...

Ok,.. things are getting a little too far...

Let's see. Time now is 10.30am. I'm sleeping later and later after work. And waking up later and later before work. No wonder I'm always so unalert at work, keep making mistakes. Ok now a few girls at work know that I like guys that are on the feminine side. One was asking me why don't I just like girls? Well...I'm straight to begin with. I just don't like guys who are 50-100% masculine. Besides, girls who like girls usually go for girls who are B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L.

Heheh..oh yah..went to the CC to see my mother line dancing again. Then the ah mahs there say I don't look like my mother. They say I look like my dad. So my dad's the one who caused me to be ugly. =P Stupid shit. Heheh (this paragraph was typed in good humour.)

Den... been getting these friggin' flashbacks whenever I think about the past few days when people have been reminding me of how ugly I look. Weird feeling, like I keep getting sucked back into time, and I'll hear how my aunt keeps saying the word "hate" to herself, coz when I was younger I made her so angry so many times she would say she hates herself and the family hates her and dunno what others. Then I'll see my mother crying to herself coz she feels she has failed as a mother coz I again had upset her. Then I'll zip back to reality, and find myself where I left myself seconds ago.

Stress from work.. people.. myself...

Ok..den my computer's officially spoilt. And my sister's computer only has MSN, so I can't go on ICQ anymore. Those with MSN add me k?

Sleep...

Ok.. does my blog look a little familiar to those who have been reading it for some time..?

No this is not the one I've been working on... just can't seem to get the one I like to work properly. So this will do. Guess Nightcrawler suits me best. Wanted to use Gackt as background but think I'll ruin his beautiful face.

Oh to those who dunno what I'm talking about, I've added a picture of Nightcrawler in the background, but it doesn't appear all the time. Will try to fix it. Oh help me can? Leave a chatterbox note if you can or cannot see the pic of Nightcrawler in the background.

Updated the goals. Added links...

Work was bad as usual. Working 6.30pm-6.30am on Saturday. Dunno whether will have time to dye my hair not. Den my mother's so against me dying my hair blue, so guess if I'm dying it, it's gonna be the usual brown copper red light brown eeeee colours. Sheesh.

Sleep.

I dun wanna dye my hair already lah...

Something's wrong with my toes. They're getting injured one by one.

I wanna get my hair highlighted for Chinese New Year. Maybe if I can meet Huishan online someday I'll ask her if she can ask her aunt to help me.

Went out with my dear friend. Heh. Treated him to Pastamania. Then we took neoprint which as usual was disastrous. Then he went shopping for his stuff, and I bought a T-shirt for myself! Hehe...glad that he wanted to get me wat he thought I like. Means both of us dun really know what each of us like. Hehh. But now I know I should have gotten him a lighter instead of the Gandalf sword. Cheaper oso. =P But I'm not getting him another present until the end of the year. Coz Gandalf sword too expensive liao. =P + I tink he'll get one himself larh.

Ok.. sianz... work was shit again last night. Stupid "lady boss" kept buzzing around my station like a bloodsucker. Once I got so pissed I threw a carton of handphones on the floor and it nearly hit her feet. The production crew made a mistake today and she gave them a warning. Poor shuai didi at the line was so upset by it. Haai...

Hmm...den Violet just confirmed (indirectly) at work last night that I'm a really ugly girl. So God please have mercy on me for this evil heart of mine can't control its emotions should it choose to fall in love with a guy. Or anyone.

I must never NEVER EVER fall in love with anyone. Or God please punish me for I would have sinned.

I'm such a klutz today. Dropped so many things in the past 2 hours. Wallet, undies, diary, towel, clothes... hold den miss den drop. Hope it doesn't carry on throughout the day sia...

Den now for some happy news. I received my certificate for attending the Deaf Community, Culture and Language (DCCL) course! Yippiez~ And I signed up for the Beginners Stage 1 starting next month~ Yeh next month getting sign language dictionary. Last evening's lesson was fun fun fun~ The instructor's so interesting loh... 3 hours passed so quickly.. really wished lessons could have been longer...

I wanna know some deaf people...so that I can learn from them... the instructor 'said' (signed) that only by practising with deaf people can we really improve our communication skills.

Thanx em & sparz for e well wishes~ I'm ok already. Heh.. but poor little boy at work (actually he not really little boy lah. Tall, handsome, but 16 yrs old only.) fell sick, den he blame me for passing the illness to him. Haha... hello I got rashes. What u have is a sore throat. Silly boy.

And Devina, u're not to blame lah. I brought the rashes onto myself. Nothing to do with you loh. Dun keep blaming yourself for the wrongs you didn't cause. It's a bad feeling. I know coz I do it all the time.

Sleep.. coz must wake up early to meet friend far away from home.

Bad day at work. Mistakes mistakes and more mistakes... so irritated with myself. Why can't I be more careful...

Yup I went to work. Most of the rashes have gone. Only my legs are still itching now.

Tonight got sign language course. Gonna sign up for Beginners' Course. Was just thinking about my interest in sign language. Started in pri school. A friend taught me a little, and we could communicate in a language foreign to others, and it was silent so teachers couldn't catch us for talking in class. Heh. Later in life, I found myself not being able to speak my mind. I couldn't listen to the hearts of others, neither was I able to keep up conversations with people. I started giving people the impression that I'm serious, dun like to talk. Actually I like to talk, I wish I were able to talk. But when I'm with people, I just can't think of anything to say. It's all in my mind, in my heart, I wanted to say things but I can't say it out. It's like the Deaf, they can't hear what others say, so they do not speak when there's nothing wrong with their vocal cords.

Ok.. sleep...

Ok I must write a very very very long blog... blog full of nonsense nevermind... time now is 7.37am.. I have one hour to keep typing.. to surf around... keep my fingers busy.. SO THAT THEY DO NOT SCRATCH ANY OTHER PART OF ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes.. the rashes have gotten much much worse...unexpectedly. Haven't had rashes like this in years! e last time something like this happened to me was when I was still in primary school...waiting for 8.30am then I'll rush downstairs hail a cab and get down to the doc in Orchard. Arggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh.................. Lord Save Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes I can't stand itches! Itch I must scratch, I will scratch, I juz gotta scratch...BUT I CANNOT SCRATCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can stand pain..I dun mind pain..I'd rather pain anytime than itch. And a whole body load of itches..........forehead...fingertips...soles... everywhere!!!!!!! arghhhh......

Time is passing so slowly... wonder how I'll feel when I feel better and read back this blog full of nonsense...

I hope I don't contaminate my sister's keyboard. Yah using her computer while she's at school. My computer spoil again and I'm definately not in the best condition to try and fix it now. Oh man 8.30 seems so far away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway I feel so accomplished. Was going to see a doctor for the rashes yesterday before work so that I get the night off.. partly becoz tired from sleep deprivation..den capoeira classes. But I went to work in the end. Though to Violet the work I do is super easy larh but still it was quite tough for me loh...eh different ppl got different abilities k... anyway there was so much to do my partner and myself couldn't bear to waste time going for the whole break.

Oh.. something to remember...number number number number 3460.

Ok then towards the end of work I was told that my rashes look really bad... but luckily there was enough work to keep me so busy I had no time to stop to scratch.

Ok mother juz called. I was going to consider taking a bus down actually but my face is now too covered in rashes...aaaaaaaaaaahhhh I can't take it anymore!!!!!!! She said I can take a taxi down.. but the doctors might come in at 9!!! Oh man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And she said monday usually alot of people!!! Oh damn it larh...!!!

ok wat else can I type... though quite useless lah coz I'm still scratching!!!!!!!!!

oh yah..every morning on my way home from work I'll pass the market where there'll be this old woman who will sit at this particular spot, and start begging people for money. Her hands will juz keep rocking up and down in that begging movement and she'll keep saying the same words over and over in cantonese. Quite tiring one loh... especially when it's so early in the morning. Then I decided to give her $2 everytime I have a spare in my wallet and today I did. Well... I got a free bus ride to work yesterday. Boarded the bus from the exit door so I didn't tap my ez-link. Saved $1.20. Dun like owing that kind of money so consider it as I gave the money to the old lady begging ba... then when I gave her the money it was only $2 and she was thanking me really loudly I felt so paiseh. Especially when my face and arms were covered in rashes!

Survived a tiring Saturday capoeira class, work at night, no sleep den go attend photoshoot which I had to reluctantly stay for despite not being needed to be there. Well seeing Saiful fall into the water made being there quite worthwhile lah. Then went for capoeira class.. reached Substation an hour early so caught some snooze.. survived another tiring capoeira class, didn't do much anyway until after class. Then I was arranging to meet my best friend before he goes for NS on 15th Jan. Haai now I cannot go meet him le... =(

Haai... work... when I go back someone would have replaced me and I'll be redundant there...honestly.. I really enjoyed working with the people at the same station. We encountered alot of problems lah.. but that's how I learn.. haai.. sad...

10 more mins... starting to feel sleepy le... gonna go get ready to go doc. tata!!!!!

My whole body's broken up in rashes...even the face. I went home after capoeira class immediately..didn't even finish saying my gdbyes, coz I was itching all over! Then reach home, shower, went to sleep for abt a half hour, and when I woke up..I was itching on the face to my palms to my soles... aaaaaaaaaargh.........................................

My mother kept telling me to not go to work...I dunno larh... I oso dun feel like working..especially coz of the sleep deprivation. Maybe I'll try to survive half-day den I go home...

Stupid jacket...stupid me... grraahhhhhh....!!!

I'd rather feel pain den this stupid rashes...

Ok.. returned home from work not long ago...gonna go sleep instead of go school coz working again tonight.

Then.. I feel so fucking stupid..so fucking pissed with myself for being so fucking used. Now I feel so fucking embarrassed.

Must remember to turn off my hp before I start work or I'll have to change my hp number. And when that happens, I'm not going to msg everyone I know about the change in hp number, and I'll just lose contact with people whom I dun contact so often, which is most of the people I know.

Work was slightly more fun last night..this morning... the little 16, 17 yr old boys were singing hokkien songs.. so farni larh they all... But I kept getting distracted and making a hell lot of mistakes..

Sleep...coz got capoeira class later...

Yeah! I stopped giving tuition already! Officially no longer a teacher! =) K..so I am an irresponsible, cowardly freak. I don't care. I never wanted to teach. I was juz helping this woman I used to call my sister.

2mr got ODAC orientation. If I'm not working on Saturday then I'll go for it. Then I can sleep through Saturday night. If I need to work, then I'll sleep in, dun go for the orientation.

Terrible day at work last night..or this morning... I'm expected to get scolded from my boss real soon. Must prepare myself psychologically or else I'll blow, and my parents' worst fear will materialise.

Was just thinking. I must keep reminding myself to stay single. Time to face reality. I do not like anyone. I will not love anyone. Not guys. Not girls. Not even sissies and gays. I want to live my life alone and I cannot allow another person into my life. Maybe becoming a nun is the best decision in life. Start reading up on Buddhism and pray from my heart. Start believing that Buddha exists and stop being such an evil person...

Ok.. haha.. mestre just called me.. and I was like wat the(?!?!)...

broken english and singlish mixed conversation over the handphone was like "hello mestre I can't understand you!!"(of course I didn't say it out.) But luckily I told him I working at night and finish work at 6.30am in the morning. Then I hafta sleep and he said he needed me to help him at 9am at dunno where (he didn't say coz I told him I might not be able to wake up), he so sweet say I working den ask me dun go help him coz I need my sleep. Awww... then I told him I hafta work from 6.30pm which means I have to leave early during classes... and he went like "oh my god..." haha... but he kept making sure I will turn up for classes this Saturday & Sunday. Ok..reminder to myself. I MUST NOT ALLOW MYSELF TO WORK FROM 6.30pm THIS SATURDAY AND SUNDAY!

Yeah can view the blogs again!!

Hey Devina, dun worry abt the money. I predict I'll be working my lungs out during the chinese new year week and I'll earn enough money to tide me through this financial probbies.

Had a dream..or nightmare.. dreamt that the pandeiro broke. Heh... too worried about it already? Nah.. I trust Devina with it. =)

Really wish I knew the right words to say to make you feel better... the way you always managed to cheer me up when I was down... but I can't. I just can't...

Waiting for my hair to dry again...

Gonna have a tough time at work tonight...

I really wanna give up giving tuition for the p5 girl. After this friday's session, I'm gonna tell my sis I'm going to stop teaching her. K jie, if u're reading this before I tell you about the decision, den u know wat to do. I'm not going to teach her anymore. No second thoughts. I dun even want the fees.

Chinese New Year week's gonna be all work n no play. Monday Tuesday might be working 6.30pm - 6.30am. Den CNY eve working 11.30pm - 6.30am. 2nd day of CNY working 11.30pm - 6.30am. Saturday & Sunday working 6.30pm - 6.30am. So I gotta leave capoeira class earlier. MUST REMEMBER or else I die arh...so all capoeristas out there reading my blog must remind me also arh..!! And they better not ask me back earlier next tuesday i.e. 13 jan. Coz I got my sign language course and I'm not giving that up for work! =P

K...fix my toe time again... den sleep...

Sign Language course yesterday was way more fun than I expected. DCCL stands for Deaf Community, Culture & Language. The instructor's deaf, but he has a terrific sense of humour, and he made the lesson so interesting and enjoyable, time juz flew...

To join or not to join the Beginner's course... haai... if I join den it's another $100 off my salary... den I'm paying for capoeira classes myself nxt month..another $120...coz I working mah and though mestre is freaking rich I'm still already earning my own pay...so must pay the non-student fee. Haiyoh... I have to keep working for 2 months before all my debts are cleared.. and by then it'll be after CNY and that'll mean I'll never pay off my debts!

I'm gonna give the membership and volunteer work a pass, until I settle down in KWSH.

Oh.. didn't write these earlier. Got a belated xmas card from dear simpatia.. den sinpatica gave me this winnie the pooh ball thingy (same one that shouhua's mother gave me) and filled it with dark choco hersheys & werther's originals! Yum yum.. so sweet sia these ppl at capoeira class...

K.. fix the wound on my toe and off to bed!

freak i juz stained my new keyboard with the yellow herbal oil...

New Year Resolution 2 : Stop talking about capoeira coz people who dun know capoeira WILL get bored and IRRITATED.

This is so infuriating... i tink only those with cable can access to the blogs of others while I'm stuck with mine..

Was almost late for work yesterday... Had to take taxi.. $7 down the drain le...

Haha..uncle kc burned me a cd with his favourite songs, coz I was in his car once and I heard a song that I like very much, so he burned it for me, with his other favourites. Got one song so funny...like chinese new yr song but it's not... wahahahahaha...cannot imagine him liking this kind of songs..

New Year Resolution 1 : I must try to use less of the word "fuck".

Can't seem to get into the blogs of others today. Keep showing the new.blogger page. This feels much worse than not being able to blog. I can't even view my own blog! All of us should juz boycott blogger sia...

Capoeira class today so tiring... roda oso so sai... mestre keep asking me to push myself, work the balance and movements... yet I keep letting him down. He stopped playing with me in the roda already... =(

But something to remember from yesterday's class. Mestre wanted us to do the au with one hand on the floor and I juz couldn't get started. Then Mestre said "Azeitona Believe In Yourself!" He could have said "come on, push urself, try, dun be scared" a whole lot of other phrases, but he said "Believe in youself" That phrase will follow me forever man...thank you mestre. Today had to do handstand, then Melissa was helping me, den she said I could actually go up quite vertical, den both my legs together, juz need to work on my balance and dun be afraid. Coz yes, fear is still a factor for me. =( Must believe in myself.

Work starting in a couple of hours.. sian...

fucking pissed off mood again. So I may not get paid for working on Sat night. Didn't matter, coz I was so slow, felt I didn't deserve the money. Hate this bitter feeling I get whenever I'm not performing as expected, same feeling whenever I'm getting paid for doing nothing.

Capoeira yesterday was f-r-u-s-t-r-a-t-i-n-g. I seriously think I cannot make it already. Cannot do au without 1 hand, cannot do sequences that has rasteiras and martelos, cannot move properly in the roda, I even compraed mestre out without knowing. The hell loh, I learn capoeira for 10 months already and I'm still making these S-T-U-P-I-D mistakes!

Should I go to work tonight...? Dun care. sleep 1st.

Ok.. reached home abt an hour ago, bathed, den now my hair still too wet for me to go to bed so I'll do a long one now to recollect the year of 2003.

Quite an eventful year... In school, went on 2 expeditions with ODAC, March one being my best one, esp Gunung Panti. In class, sat beside Huishan, got to know her better, even went for a lawnbowling module! (never thought I'd survive learning a sport/game) Den Violet & I stopped talking for a very very long time (for dunno wat reason, she think she made me angry, I tot I made her angry, den we juz stopped talking. childish eh the both of us ? =P) Den thanks to Dexter our problem solved den we talking again! Den completed NYAA (like finally... seriously thought I wasn't going to finish it, since I kept procrastinating.) Oh and I started sticking to Delia from 2T28 too. This girl very sweet loh..last day of sch say she'll miss me, xmas send me card, everytime msg me say she miss me. (1,2,3...AWWwwWwww....)Den was the A's and was like freaking shit exams wish I never needed to see my results. Then grad nite and thanks to Huishan I spent less than $100 on it. Had my hair straightened, a little make-up, had a skirt (!!!), sandals with small heels(exclaims!!) den stayed over at the Oriental Hotel wif ODAC girls. Nxt day was NYAA presentation. 1st time wear blazer. Den dat was it wif school.

Outside of school, I took up capoeira! Den dat was the start of the mental dilemmas and physical tortures. Initially really interested, coz the moves still seemed 'do-able', den came the tough ones, and the impossibles, and stupid me with no foundation watsoever found it extremely hard to carry on. But still I hung on. From capoeira, got to know Melissa & Joe who helped me a great deal during my 1st few months when I was really REALLY STRUGGLING. Den came Devina who really brightened up my life a whole lot. She's like an angel who brought out the jovial part of me that I never thought I had. She also made me realise how lucky I am with the family that I have...Den I had to stop class for 3 months(?) den when I finally returned to class, there was Batizado! Oh my god dere I was freaking nervous about it coz yah although already 9months in the class I still know nuts abt lots of stuff. Oh den there were the 2 rodas at takashimaya that I went for that I did so horribly in. So now I'm a corda crua, but if by nxt month I'm still as lousy, it's byebye corda and harloo beginner.

KWSH played a big part in making 2003 a meaningful one for me. Coz of NYAA, had to do community service. So I chose KWSH, the hospital cum nursing home near my place, like juz downstairs across the road. There I got to know Ms Annie Ong, a polio patient with these growths all over her body. She told me abt her family (really sad story), den say the students who visit the hospital usually very afraid of her coz of her appearance, say if I don't visit her (coz I go down every Tuesday) den she tuesdays have no visitors. So she'll be waiting for me at the time I always go down and she'll know when I'm later than usual. Den came SARS and I had to stop going down. Den after the exams, I asked the volunteer coordinator whether need my help not. Since then I went down to KWSH's Day Rehabilitation Centre from 9.30am to 3.30pm whenever I can make it. Initially very difficult, coz I dun speak dialect, den so I very quiet. Den I slowly pick up abit, plus some lessons from my mother, I could continue a few conversations with the ahmahs and even had quite a bit of fun. Den dere was once I helped this "big" lady stroke patient to the toilet, and dat was quite a memorable experience. Den got the shuai ge incident too. Den played ball with the ah gongs and ah mahs, had them calling me ah kim, ah mui, and all sorts of other names, brought them out to the gardens, bursting balloons and getting complains from them (hehee..) den I stopped going already coz I now working night shift. Need to sleep to prepare myself for the night.

Yep, work. 1st time give tuition. Terror. 1st job interview. Fail. 1st day of successful job, disastrous. But I got a whole line of debts waiting for me to clear. So must jia you!

Oh den I moved house for the 1st time. Now sharing a room with my aunt only. Still in the master bedroom. Got my own computer, own study table, own wardrobe! Can wake up at 6.30am and still be in time for school! (but no longer in time for morning run)

Family wise, elder sis broke up with ex, got attached again, little sis got really adorable good guy friend for me to play with and bully together (so sweet of her rite share her friends with me). Aunt fell really sick, got hospitalised, den juz nice my mother fractured a toe on both feet so she cannot travel too much, so I had to go down to hospital after school for a period of time to take care of my aunt. Den at night had the whole master bedroom to myself!(that's the only good point) Den aunt came home and after some time we found ourselves quarrelling with each other again. Den dat's it larh. Den recently mother cut herself quite badly, so on that day itself she let me do the cooking for the family for the first time! She always complain say she very unlucky, but I tell her "eh if you never cut yourself, u'd never know that I who thought myself hopeless at cooking can actually cook!" So it was well worth the sacrifice. Yup, den I started learning cooking.. the chilli crabs were a success! Den sis went to Laos for 20days on OCIP and came home a changed person. Feel so happy for her.

Oh and I got to know a new friend, Siew Men. Really cheerful and sweet and smart and sporty. And really glad to know her. Worked with her on the 1st day we met and she's really easy-going. Was quite worried initially coz I very introvert one, but she made communication all so easy! =)

Oceanstar was where I had my first whisky soda in public. Ree-Ha got separated and I only could listen to Rosli and Zak who were the obviously good members left. Zali and the other bass guitarist joined another band. But on xmas eve I had the best surprise for Zali and his band were invited to play for the night and yup I wrote before, he had nice long hair but now botak but still looking as great! And he's still like a big bro to me. Oh and next to Oceanstar is this gay pub which I have been trying to get my father to bring me in for a drink but he has yet to do it.

Then myself... yep... 2003 found me falling deeply in love with a guy who never knew of my feelings for him. He got attached and I just stopped liking guys altogether. Den a guy who tried to like me asked me to be his girlfriend but I saw through him that he would go back to his ex-girlfriend so I just rejected him. Sure enough he went back to his girlfriend and I stopped contacting him altogether. Dat's abt the personal stuff. Den I went on my Solo adventures after my exams. Had fun, especially the day I walked from home to Labrador Park, getting lost and finding my way.

Well... dat's abt it. Gotta go sleep or at night will have red eyes den work even more slowly and even more easily confused and Violet will start laughing at me again. =P

Let's hope blogger works tonight. Just reached home from Boat Quay with my sis. In a Mercs cab. Sis was feeling frustrated, so went down to suntec to meet her. Den she wanted to go Merlion Park relieve stress (caused by some fucking attitude probby relatives of ours who were over at our place today), den I suggested going on the River Cruise since my sis owaes wanted to go on the boat ride but never did. It was beautiful. Den afterthat we went to sit at the place next to the Merlion, facing the Esplanade there, then we started singing If We Hold On Together.

Hope she's feeling better already. Now I using her computer to continue on my pagey...

Okie..YeaH I fixed my computer! Dun hafta buy new one! Can save the money!

Working on my webbie alot. Can't seem to get it right...help?

Okie going out soon.

Take care peepz~ Happy 2004!

my computer's spoilt! fuck shit larh.

Okok... happy new year everyone! eh? my last entry's a lie? No.. I really thought I had to work... went to work, den the ppl there told us we can go home coz no work. Like @#$%?! So past midnight and I was stranded at the bus stop with no money for cab. So I started walking..and walking...onto the expressway. Didn't wanna call home for money for cab. Really. Had this idea of a nightwalk. K lah, I got no sense of danger or safety lah, juz fun fun and more fun. I can do alot of things alone one mah. I was walking for abt 1/2 hour den my dad called, say uncle kc coming to fetch me. And then I got fucking pissed coz they wanna drink don't drive can? Den my dad started yelling at me saying what I no money can juz call home and they'll bring money down to pay for my cab fee. Harlo?! I'd rather walk home, brave the roads than have u 2 drunk driving and ending up somewhere where we have to pay more money then a cab fee. Well but they got me home in the end so here I am blogging.

Happy New Year. Been an eventful year. Will blog more when I finally get my new site up.