So tired............................

My butt is aching, my arms are aching...

Went Funan. Bought ink for printer. Bought myself a badminton racket~ Stupid salesuncle look down on me again. But at least he was kinda helpful lah. My sis said I got the racket at quite a good deal.
Went home, got out my weights and started training. Haai.. these days never train pull-ups coz the skin on my palms peeled. Den when I was training with my weights my sister was poking on my arms den her smile become frown coz my arms soft oredi. No more hard hard like before. Haai.. so I was training with my 4.5kg dumbell, the one where I er.. how to say ah... raise the dumbell at the back with both my arms, den my dad ask me to try to train with one arm coz I say my 4.5kg dumbell train with both arms abit too light. Den I tried with one arm and nearly fell backwards coz dat part of my arm no strength. Haha den my sister started laughing, say what "never thought 5kg dumbell can make my sister cannot stand up." stupid sis.. but haha the way she say really very funny loh...

ok 2nite got work. Wonder how work will be like...prepared for the worst.. especially when I'm so tired tonight...

Just got home abt an hour ago. Fell asleep on the bus from Devina's place and only got woken up by the bus driver at the interchange. This hairdo is cursed. I keep missing my stop and waking up only at interchanges after I got my hair coloured.

Something about me is always cursed.

Haha. Ok. Today morning wake up very early, den very bored, alot of things to do, yet whole day I kept stoning around. Listening to Qing Tian. Realised I've taken a liking to Jay Chou's songs ever since I started working at the factory.

Den went for capoeira class. Ok... so today's sequence was confusing, but Anis really very good can. Makes me wish I were a gymnast or something... Then roda... and I was so tempted to do the bridge thingy coz the music was like angola...slower... but dunno why just couldn't do it... overall bad day at training... I wanna be able to do proper Aus...

Went Sakae Sushi with Devina, Ratna and her friend I forgot the name =P Very the full nah... coz I ate mine, and Devina's, and Ratna gave me some ball thingy to eat too. Eat finish le den I couldn't walk. =P Okie dokie den we went Weiwei's place and I gave her the prezzie~. Den we stood outside her house talk n talk n talk. Actually is mostly she and Devina talking larh.. but.. Weiwei's such an angel... so sweet leh ... give her prezzie den she gave both of us kit kat chunky! =) ok then at some time I started telling them a bit abt my work coz haha didn't wanna bore them. Told them only the fun parts. Dunno how much of it they caught lah but it doesn't matter. Can't blame them oso... then we mostly talk abt capoeira loh...

But haai... I miss work... I miss the people at work... Usually at this time we'd all be working..(actually is break time larh but) yah... everyone would be awake at this time... wonder what they are doing now.. thought all these people all night owls... but how come they not online one.. no one talk to me... only I myself talking to myself... blogging away...

Haai... somehow I feel that they all dun like me as much as I like them...

K lah.. must try to get some sleep soon... 2mr tough capoeira day...

Suddenly feel kinda...sad...
Was listening to 5566's Leng Feng Guo Jing...sadder...

Planning on a walk after capoeira class... alotta things to get... alotta things to get off my mind.

I wanna care for my didi, I wanna cheer him up... but I dunno how to ask him out. I'm a hypocrite, coz my attitude towards him changes from time to time...

I wanna cheer the other xiao didi up..I noe he's upset, but he's not telling me anything...

They're all not telling me anything. And I dun wanna ask. Not that I dun care. I dun want them to think I don't care too.

Coz every single one of them mean everything to me. Coz they brought me all the happiness I ever wanted in my life. They brought me the kind of happiness I've been waiting for all these years...

I wanna go out with the people at work... I wanna go out with the girls for once.. do some girly stuff together...

Especially tonight when we're all not working... but no plans at all... at least, I'm not getting anything...

Haai... results... totally spoils the mood... next week will be my turn... hope then no one asks me how I fare... I'm just gonna crawl away and disappear for sometime...

Wheee......what a night... I can still hear Holy Diver playing in my head...

Went down to work and lao pa said the lines downstairs not running so we could go home! Yeppiez so I went down to Oceanstar! With Huimin. Wanted to ask giggs-zai along but guess he tired. At around 12+ lidat I msged him again he never reply le. Haai wonder how they all fared...

Anyway had a wonderful time at Oceanstar. The moment I arrived my dad got them to play Holy Diver. And weheee... they played the song for us and said the song's for me too! Hehe "the song goes out to all the people here tonight, and to the girl at the back, I think David's daughter, young girl like her know how to listen to Holy Diver..."

Haha.. k.. So if I get a hangover 2mr, at most I puke during training...I can feel it coming... too long never drink. 1 glass of whisky soda and I was flushed. But the glass super strong can... really can die arh... feel like spinning already...

Okie 2nd set ended. Zali's back in Ree-Ha! Wohoh!!! I was happy to see him, he also happy to see me. He was saying he shaved his head, I cut my hair, and I was telling him I had it coloured too. Heh.. den Huimin went home, and I was back at the counter eating and drinking to myself while the group rested. Then Zali was beside me, and he like tapped his glass against mine for a toast larh, den he asked me if I not working tonight and I went yah tonight not working. Said I very long never come down already and he said he knows, coz every Friday he'll ask my dad where I am and my dad will tell him I working night shift. =) Nice...

3rd set started. My dad requested for Sunrise and Sweet Child O' Mine earlier on during the break, and the first song they sang was Sunrise and yahooo!! I was singing along and really enjoying myself, my dad's friends kinda noticed me. But hey the band was happy that I was having fun~ Gets them in the mood~ I luRrvE e sOng... been so long since I last heard it, who cares if I sang super terribly...

Then they did a medley, there were songs by Metallica, Grand Funk Railroad, Guns N Roses (yep Sweet Child O' Mine...), Deep Purple (smoke on the water), and this really nice song entitled Wishing Well. And to end the night, they did Perfect Strangers and Gates of Babylon. Wat a night!

Den my dad brought me over to his darting homeground, and there was this guy Vernon who looks really beautifully gay. But he only has one earring on his left ear which makes him straight rite? But o well..

Ok.. hangover.. time to get some sleep... I need to get my alcohol level up higher.. otherwise I'll really get drunk easily again... and my 8 years of drinking experience will go down e drain...

Happy Birthday Siewmin!

So late le. I'm still up and blogging. Results will be out soon...

Today first time someone let me touch his abs. Super hard sia...Deep impression forever...

Haai... 2 months... the most beautiful 2 months I've ever had... thanks to the people at line 10, the QAs, and not forgetting auntie jiejie at line 8. Too bad I didn't get to know the people at line 3, but line 10 is really... beautiful enough. I dun think I deserve to know them, really...

Thank you God. Thank you for everything these 2 months, the people, the experiences, and the beautiful sunrises I've seen over the past 2 months on my way home.

I'm gonna miss them. I'm really gonna miss them all...

K.. time for some sleep.. though I'm super duper awake..

Hahaha...funny thing just happened. I still had yesterday's and today's socks lying on the floor in my room and my mother just came out of the toilet with the laundry baskets so I told her to stop outside the toilet for me to throw the socks into the basket from where I was sitting which is actually not very far away. And out of the 4 socks, none got into the baskets! So I told her to throw them back to me then I tried again and got only 2 in! Then I tried with the other 2 but failed. Sensing my mother's impatience, I decided to give up. But haha, both of us had quite a laugh. Damn it my aiming really lousy leh! How to learn bball from fishcake and soccer from giggs-zai...

O Level results are out today... so here I am still awake in case any of the xiao didis at work are feeling upset or even happy by their results and decide to drop me a message(though chances are really really low). I dunno... feeling like really nervous now dunno for wat reason. Maybe coz I just watched wednesday's CSI. Super scary can.. the episode...kept hiding my face behind my hands while watching. Very long never get so frightened just watching CSI... but dunno larh.. I oso dunno wat to say...

Actually last night I very very upset one. Coz I couldn't find the poster that my angel gave me. Went to HMV at Heeren's as a last resort coz can't think of any other places that will have that poster and I can't find it! It's not anywhere anymore... *sObz* I've really let my angel down sia... I would be really really upset if he lost any of the things I gave him, yet I actually forgot that he gave me such a beautiful thing and left it in my old house and I can never ever get it back...
I live every day in guilt from now on... until I can find it.. but still it will never be the same...

Wohoh! I'm back! Yeah! No more stoned me like yesterday! I'm re-energized! I live for 2day dude!

I wanna go swimming.. I wanna play badminton.. I wanna buy myself a badminton racket den can play badminton with my younger sister! Must go badminton racket hunting someday...

K... super full... must try to sleep...

Ok.. wat did I do yesterday to start off this terrible day? I walked with Huimin from her place to Mandai zoo. Did lots actually.. but hmm.. for us to know larh horh. Just that both of us managed to hitch-hike a car for the first time out of the long route at Upper Peirce reservoir. We had fun, but I guess we both cracked too early. So both of us nearly died at work this morning.. well dunno abt her but I did.

Ok from zoo went home larh. Den bathe. Den took cab down to Singapore Association for the Deaf. I tell you, NEVER EVER take a YELLOW TOP BLACK CAB ever again! The cab drivers have fucking bad attitudes. All of them fucking uncles think they rule the world. Think I kid very nice to bully issit? Fucking hell no alright! Pity I didn't bother to look at your face, or remember your name and license plate or I'll tell my dad and he'll issue a complain letter right in your damn fucked up son-of-a-bitch's face and make sure you no good piece of scum gets fired immediately! Fucking pissed whenever I meet this kind of people sia...

Spoil my mood for my beloved sign language lesson. Lessons were slightly more interesting today. But couldn't help but fall asleep. Luckily the girl next to me realised I was falling asleep so she suggested this method of practising the signs, and that woke me up so I could stay awake for the rest of the class. phew... and then during e break my teacher came to me and signed to me that she thinks I can learn faster than the others coz I younger than them and I was like I cannot... she's still signing too fast and I very forgetful. Yeah.. guess I really let her down with the spelling that she gave us. Yep, sign language oso have spelling. Unique rite? My teacher finger-spelled the words and we wrote the word down. Of course we had to wait till she spelled the entire word before we could write the word down. It was so funny, we were all waiting anxiously for her to finish her first word, maybe too anxious coz e moment she finished the word all of us immediately had our heads down and wrote the word down super quick, even she had a shock by our reaction. Hehe... she's so adorable. Then when she signed the sentences I like cannot catch one loh... only managed to get 4 out of 10 sentences correct. Of which 1 I only just signed to the class a few minutes ago. So technically I only got 3 right. When she saw my script she had a shock. Heh.. well, I said she's cute. Haiyoh, sign language really need to practise and practise otherwise really will forget alot one leh...
Oh and I thought of my sign name and my teacher thought it was ok though she doesn't know the reason behind it. It's the sign 'k' coz my name mah, den my middle finger pokes into my right dimple, yep if u din notice I only have 1 dimple coz the other's not really obvious. Also it's to remind myself to smile more. Ugly girls with dimples can look cute too, so must smile more to show my lone dimple! Oso so that ppl around me won't sad along with me...

K sleep...

Spent the morning at this place near the Esplanade, this place where I will call my own escape. Wanted to take 857 and sleep on the journey, while it loops at suntec and back home. But the bus driver woke me up half-way, thinking I overslept on e ride(coz I was e only one left on e bus), asking me if I getting off at suntec. Ok so to avoid further embarrassment i told him I'll be getting off at the Esplanade. And I'm glad I did. Went to this place, this quiet place, and I saw a beautiful sunrise. Probby the 3rd most beautiful sunrise I've seen so far. The sun was low and red, rising behind the clouds, and there were like rays of sunlight behind trying to force their way through the clouds... and as it rose... my most favourite song kept repeating itself in my mind...

"Sunrise,
And the new day's breaking through.
The morning,
Of another day without you.
And as the hours roll by
Noone's there to see me cry
Except the sunrise,
The sunrise and you.
Tired eyes
Drift across the shore.
Looking
For love and nothing more.
But as the sea rolls by
Noone's there to see me cry
Except the sunrise,
The sunrise and you.
Sunrise, bless my eyes.
Catch my soul, make me whole again.
Sunrise, new day heed my song.
I'm tired of fighting and fooling around.
But from now until who knows when?
My sword will be my friend.
And I'll love you...love ya
for all of my time.
Sunrise, bless my eyes.
Catch my soul, make me whole again.
(Repeat)
Sunrise." - Sunrise by Uriah Heep

I love this song. Favourite song of all time...

And today, I loved where I was. Because as I sat there alone, breeze in my face, facing the open sea, people who walked by didn't stare at me thinking I'm some freak. People walked by like I never existed. I was sad, I was confused, I was just staring into space, into the waters far, far away, and people who ran by, ran by, walked by, walked by. I didn't have a beautiful face to invite concern, I didn't have an ugly face yearning for pity and sympathy. I was non-existant. I was alone, in my own, private hide-away. This place is so quiet, and so peaceful early in the morning. And I always thought it very beautiful at night. But early in the morning, at this time of the day, this place is just perfect, perfect for me to be alone... perfect for me to sort out my thoughts...

My dollar's worth of thoughts...

Someone once said ,"Nobody can make you sad except you. You are sad only because you allow yourself to be."

Today, I chose to be sad. I believe that for every day I spend in happiness, I must return it with a day of sadness. Yesterday was a very happy day for me. Really, never felt so happy before...

Yet today's disastrous. First I woke up late, mother initially didn't want me to go for capoeira class but I went anyway. Obviously was late for class, mestre not happy, I not in the mood. Couldn't focus the whole time. Sequences were bad, roda was worse. I nearly wanted to cry while stretching in e end. I could still hear my bones clicking. I never even got warmed up. We were doing this push-ups on the sides and mestre like came to me and as I did he kept saying "good girl" coz I guess I was doing them quite ok coz I still had energy while the others were already drained. Man I was such a bad girl today and he still...

After class, I was trying out the Aus on both sides and realised I still can't Au to my left with my legs straight up... fuck larh... why is it so damn freaking hard...

Joe came to ask me why I so moody today den I told him I played very badly in the roda just now and he went "no lah nobody played badly today!" Well obviously he didn't notice me...

Ok...den after changing out, I was just standing beside Farhan, peeling at the calluses while he and Julia talked to Mestre abt capoeira.. watever.. and it struck me on how little I know abt capoeira... how little I tried to learn abt capoeira... I can never talk to mestre abt anything they discussed today. I can never talk to mestre about anything.

I really love this sport. This game. This martial art. It once boosted my confidence. It once found strength in me. It once gave me the best kind of friends I ever imagined. But every training leaves me with this big part of me fighting a mental battle within myself. Will I ever get better at this... I'm making such slow progress... even getting worse...
But I dun wanna give up.. at least..not now...

Ok since I didn't work out much today, I went home and got my weights out. Train until now my arms aching. Hope I overstrained them enough to tear the muscle a little.. den can grow new ones... =P

Den I sat down on the floor alone in my room, and stoned. And stoned. And stoned. And stoned. I thought abt nothing. Just stoned. My mother came in and asked me what happened and I just told her I stoning. She told me to get some sleep. I continued stoning. Am I tired? If I'm tired, den wat abt the boys and girls who went to play bball this morning even after what they did yesterday?

Pain treatment now every alternate day! Must get over this period of sadness...

Sleepy.. but alot of things to blog abt.. Really very happy sometime... though the feeling's wearing off...

Well went for capoeira class. It well.. wasn't too bad... Juz hafta push myself more in e roda. Den managed to look once while doing an Au to the left! For the 1st time loh..=) Ok must improve on my Aus...

Then went Esplanade to return books, den rushed home. Changed then went to meet the guys and gals for MTGW. It was a failure-turned-unexpected success. I had great fun. Then the 9 out of 10 of us went to work.

Ok.. den this is so stupidly sickening. I was just sitting at the bus stop after work happily thinking abt e day when suddenly this huge lizard crawled up to my thighs and I just stood up and stamped my leg like really hard. Luckily the lizard leapt off my pants or I would have been so freaking pissed. Damn it I had such a great day and that stupid shit had to spoil it. But well luckily I didn't freak out. =)

Bus ride home was great.. beautiful sunrise again.. made me feel so appreciative of knowing these wonderful girls and guys at the factory.

I feel so lucky.. really lucky.. that ugly old me still can be on such good terms with all these handsome guys and beauties. But I guess once I resign I'll lose contact with all of them, leaving only the wonderful memories coz I dun play sports. They always meet for bball or soccer and I'm always disagreeable. Sigh...

Still very happy yesterday. =) This day will be remembered always. Yesterday.

Sleep...

Tired... going to sleep soon... soon as the food gets a little digested... super heavy breakfast.

Stupid callous plaster doesn't work. My right palm looks disgusting... and coz it eats into the good skin as well, I created another hole in my palm while I was rubbing the dead skin off the callous... grr... shld have juz bought the drip drip thingy...

Sleep...

Sleepy...

Last night went Devina's place to collect my camera. Supposed to get off No.21 at Kallang but I fell asleep and got up only at Pasir Ris! So yah when I reached her place I was super late. Den coz I still owe Andy e Big Mac meal, went to buy at Kallang 1st den go Violet's. Reached her place very late oredi, so took cab down. The driver damn kuku sia, so many times nearly brought us to the wrong place. Luckily Violet knew e way. Now owe her $2.05 for the cab fare.

Now sleep.

Just reached home from walk-walking. Going out soon again to collect my camera from Devina den go Violet's place. Must remember e tripod.

Yep after so long, I went out shopping again. Alone. Went to collect passport first. Moment I went to the counter, the malay lady behind the counter asked me to help her tell this elderly lady in chinese to bring her card to counter 18 and that she can only collect her passport half an hour later. Hehe.. cute...

Now my passport so empty... + no more my cute cute baby photo. It's now my dat foto I use on my factory pass. Pimple-faced and all. Yeek..

Okie then walked down from ICA to Bugis. Bought myself a pair of dragonfly earrings. The guy seemed so bored. Den he was like shocked to see me with the earrings and money to pay. Irritating. I was hanging around the stall a very long time. He didn't even realise I took a pair of earrings off the display. I could have just taken it and left. Grah..

G msged me that he's sick. *heartpain* Yesterday juz became my didi only 2dae fall sick le. Sad sia... said he might not be working 2nite.. guess i'm gonna miss him.

Anyway, went down to Citylink. Was just window-shopping around. Went Suntec City. Went into Samuel & Kevin's. Tried a t-shirt, liked it, den there was this 20% off for the jeans so the salesgirl found one for me. At first when I saw the price I was telling myself I'm gonna just try and say it doesn't fit. But when I tried it, I almost didn't want to take it off. I've got very fat thighs, so it's really hard for me to find jeans that fit, yet this one fits perfectly! So no matter the price, I'm gonna buy it. And so I did! It's long, but ok larh. I can get it altered. I bought new jeans! Yeppiez~

I love my hair~ *haha out of point*

Went Carrefour. Candies there not nice, didn't buy. Later go Toa Payoh den buy. Wanted to buy this T-shirt with the scorpions but the design is for guys one, too big even for me. K lah den come home le...

So much for shopping alone. But it feels great to finally be out, even if I was walking alone. Feeling confident. I look good today~

Happy =)

Let's see what i have to do today.

Get my passport done, buy foodstuff, necklace & earring, if can collect my camera, go home sleep, wake up bring tripod to Violet's place, get Big Mac meal, den go work.

Just now my dad opened up his pc monitor coz the switch broke. Den now his monitor no cover at the back. Hehe... idea leh he.. now can turn on the computer without the frustration. Now I know where my creative juices come from...

Den I was making mango pudding. Hehe.. my cough haven't ok yet mah, so my mother was saying I cannot eat. Say wanna bet with me that I will not be able to tolerate and eat the pudding before I recover. So I went like "ok lah bet lor, moreover everytime I bet I lose one." Den my mother was like "I was how convinced that I would win the bet when u said 'everytime u bet u sure lose one'". Mother very funny sia...

I wanna remove e callouses on my palms. Suddenly the vanity. Feel that they dun prove anything much coz I still can't do pull-ups. Not one. Not even half. I'm not embarrassed by my 58kg body mass. Just that ppl just dun understand that it's harder for a heavy person, no matter how strong, to do pull-ups than for a light but weak person to pull himself/herself up. It's so... upsetting...

I keep feeling like I'm trying for something impossible... living in this impossible fantasy... believing that I'll one day finally be able to do at least 1 guy pull-up...

Someone please tell me it's not impossible...

Look at the time... didn't know it'd be this hard to fall asleep even after medication. But yeap coughing much less now. I even have my voice back! Yeppiez~ Yeah 2mr go make passport den maybe go walk walk san4 san4 xin1 abit, buy stuff to eat (though cannot bring to work on Thurs), den go work at night.

Never know who I can find on friendster, and wat u can learn about the ppl u thought u knew. Then reading blogs too. Realised the many different sides of me while reading the archives...

Realised I haven't blogged abt my Sign Language lesson on Tuesday. It was great fun. Lost super badly in e game we played, but every loss to me is important coz it helps me to accept failures coz I was once a girl who didn't like to lose. Big ego, pride, lousy sportsmanship. I'm not the wonderful person people who see me think I am. I feel bitter each time I lose coz I want to win so bad. So I appreciate losing now, helps me to hammer my pride and ego, be the humble person I so wish I can be. Ok back to lesson. We revised what we learnt last week, and realised I couldn't catch up quite a bit. Den we learnt affixes, and we formed sentences. We tried fingerspelling a little faster, thought of our own sign name (haven't really thought of mine yet), den our instructor asked one of the ladies to sign a passage and she was like super good. She's a natural, drama and all. We were all so entertained, and impressed, very amazed all at the same time. But coz she spoke wat she signed, we could follow. Den when our instructor signed, it was silent, so most of the time many of us couldn't follow. A blink of the eye and we missed what she signed earlier. Then it hit me, that when the lady earlier spoke as she signed, we enjoyed it very much, coz of her actions, her fluency with her signing, but also of the way she expressed herself vocally. Our instructor couldn't hear her voice. She couldn't enjoy it as much as we did coz she couldn't hear the lady's vocal expression. Yet she smiles along, enjoying it as much as we do. I feel so thankful being able to hear...

My rose has wilted. Like all good things must come to an end. Wish I knew how to dry it...

Fell asleep doing maths in my sister's room. I can't do integration anymore. How am I ever going to catch up enough to re-take my A's at the end of the year?

Haai.. had a dream. Dreamt that I failed my A's. My production ppl were just talking about their dreams abt getting results, now that the results are coming out. All of them keep assuming I'm going to do really well, watever the shit coz I'm in JC. Most of them are sec 5 students waiting for O's. I feel so... weird... among them. I can talk can joke watever but my life is so different... academic, aesthetic...family...

I really admire athletes. There's this burning desire in me to pick up a sport. I wanna learn and be good at something. But it's so hard now that it's so late... everytime I listen to the guys and girls at work talk about soccer and basketball, I feel so sad. This stinging regret in me returns, coz I didn't learn when I could. I wasn't born with the talent and I wasn't allowed to learn. I salute anyone who ever succeeds in teaching me a ball game.

Listening to Jay Chou's Qing Tian over and over on my computer. Andy sang this song quite a number of times yesterday morning at work. And he sounds really good. Yet he keeps saying he doesn't sound nice. I can only wish I can sing. I can't even sing well in my dreams. Steve keeps saying he's not handsome. I'm still ugly in my dreams. Tonight, away from all of them, I wonder if they miss me as much as I miss them. I know G does. He's such a sweetie. Yet there's this sense of insecurity about him. This feeling that makes me wanna watch over him and protect him, no matter how much I feel irritated by him at times.
Yup, I will take care of you as I promised, little bro.

My table's a mess. i've yet to collect my passport. Fell asleep. Woke up only at 10. Guess I can try clearing up my room a little tonight.

For now, I wanna get well, so that whatever happens this Saturday, MTGW will go on, and fantastic 4 get what they well deserve, for making my 1st working experience such a memorable and enjoyable one.

Hey em... read ur blog... wat did I do wrong girl...? I'm really insensitive to these kind of things... u must tell me or I wouldn't know alright...?

I wanna be fit again. I dun wanna feel like the shit I feel now. I feel so undeserving of such wonderful people I got to know at work...

I feel like being alone today. At least... now. Actually I wanted to be alone since work ended. Maybe I should have just gotten off at the usual stop and take 147 home. Den I would be in bed now, sleeping, recovering, waking up in time to collect my passport and meet the ODAC girls for dinner. They've yet to see my new hairdo. Though never really been close to them, I do miss them a little.

Instead, I went to have breakfast, attempted to learn to play bball but failed, made a hell of an embarrassment to myself, staying awake now so I can collect my passport later, den come home and sleep, and forgo the dinner with the ODAC girls. Guess I'll just spoil the mood anyway, like I always do.

I sound pissed. Huimin I'm so sorry, my other personalities are acting up. Mulata will understand me, that there are times when I want to be left alone, and how I will react if I wasn't left alone then.

Yeah this is what happens. Ego-thrashing day today. I'm no runner, no sporty, no strong girl, no capoeirista, no intelligent person. I am nothing. I'm just the below average, short, fat and ugly, multi-personalitied me. When will my mouth ever stop shooting, when will I stop showing off what I have that others have better?

Nice chat with brada. =)

Salve Capoeira!

Going to sleep very soon... soon as I finish. Medicine taking its toll on me...

Yeap..went to see doctor. Actually didn't want to see one coz I wanna go work today! Haha siao.. but yeah.. msged a few ppl asking them if they want me da3 bao1 McDonalds for them coz I'll be passing by the place after Sign Language class tonight. So I wanna go work. Plus I needa let my partner know beforehand that I'm not going to work. Must announce to everyone that I not coming. Haha...

*no one will miss me anyway*

And I can watch CSI at night!

Okok.. back at the doctors. It was so different from the usual visit to the doctors. I was with my younger sis mah. She suddenly got gastric flu overnight. So my mother msg me in the morning to bring her go doc, and at the same time see the doc myself coz of my 2-week-old cough and cold. Yeah and this morning at work suddenly started kena diarrhoea.. yep.. So I wanted to get 2 days MC coz I wanna work tonight yet dun wanna see doc again to get MC for 2mr.. so in my mind I kept saying I must get myself MC for 2 days. So yah went to see doc larh. Apparently I got throat infection dat's why I kept coughing.. den got flu.. den doc said I got diarrhoea.. and funny thing was he asked me if I got fever coz my sis oso got fever and I said no larh coz I feel perfectly fine except for my cough and cold. And guess what. He took my temperature and said I have a slight fever! So like hahaha... guess I'll be able to convince him to give me 2 days... den the diarrhoea thing oso I added in so I could get more reasons to get a 2 day leave and he checked the area below my stomach(watever dat part is) and he said yah I got diarrhoea and I was like giving him dat stunned face. Ok I din noe I was dat sick...

So yeah feeling really hyper. But when it came to the giving MCs my sis got 2 days leave but I only had 1!! Oh man.. I cannot leave with one day so I was like psychoing the doctor, begging him, throwing away my pride and behaved like a complete desperate idiot to get me my 2 days off. So my sister spilled the beans and told the doctor that the reason why I want 2 days MC is coz I wanna work tonight and rest tomorrow. So yeah the doctor finally agreed to giving me 2 days MC! Yeppiez~~

Ok may my little sis Get Well Soon~

Sign Language course this evening. Now sleep...

Short one coz leaving for work in a few minutes.

Juz woke up not too long ago. So tired. Still am. Sick. Feel so sick. Coughing the moment I woke up, through bath, am still coughing now. Coughing for the past 2 weeks. Nose blocked. Stupid flu. 2 weeks already and it's still bugging me.

If I manage to see a doc tomorrow den I'm not going no work. No one's gonna miss me anyway. =(

*Well maybe 1...*

Huimin gave me a rose yesterday. My very first flower from anyone. Sweet... =) She didn't want me to be disappointed from not getting the flowers I thought I'd be getting from my angel. So nice right..? I feel so blessed. =) Anyway went for breakfast with her after work. It was kinda a last minute thingy, long walk so we talked alot along the way. Kinda showed her some of the ugly sides of myself and my past. Hope it doesn't affect our friendship really... I'm still trying to change...

I'm dropping hair...

Work.

Vday's over. Spent most of the day at work. Doing the wrong stuff and feeling like shit. + I was farting all over the place. Funny? I felt so pissed. Not to mention embarrassed. And the 2 ppl who always made me happy at work were not around. But o well...

Hope tonight will be better.

Changed the song. My favourite Jay Chou song so far. =)

My angel disappointed me. But wat the heck... I could do without it.

Happy Valentines' Day!

Guess I'll stop blogging abt work. My sisters are complaining that my blog getting very boring. Huimin in future I type den print out den compile into a book den let u read.

Breakfast... sleep... den get fat...

Ok my last blog haven't finish yet. but continue another day.

Happy Vday peepz~ Probby won.t have time to blog 2mr.

Super tired. When I'm done with this I'm going to sleep immediately. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to wake up in time to buy the dian xin for tonight. And make e little prezzies I have in mind. And must buy coloured tissues.

Ok... I'm supposed to be sleeping.. but was looking through my pictures in my computer and I found a pic of the steps of an SSR song. Yeah for those who didn't know, I was once an arcade chiong-er. And yeah I DDR-ed. SSR-ed. But not a good one. Maniac Boom Boom Dollar was the best I did. Maybe Jam Jam Reggae. Den 4th Mix came out and I left the arcade for good. Too many bad memories. Too many bad to make me think nothing of the good ones I had.

K sleep...

Hey on a lighter note, I just weighed myself! I'm finally back to acceptable weight! After being overweight for 6 years! (well except during the time when I lost 6 kg in 3 days due to food poisoning coz I gained back in the next 2 days when I started eating like a pig again.)

Ok... den again... maybe the weighing machine spoil...

But I dun care! I lost weight! Whahahah... But I still look fat and am still fat... Haai...

Wheee~~~ I cleared my debts!

Hmm... 2-star kayaking... really tempting.. especially now that I just got paid. And seriously, my workplace pays me ALOT. I seriously think I'm overpaid for the kind of work I'm doing... I wanna get tanned, learn more, especially when this kind of thing got certification...

But I'm no longer as fit as I used to be.. I'll die out at sea...

Should I go...? But I cannot decide in just one day...

The witch at work is in hospital. And my production ppl were just asking abt her. Weird. We all thought she's kinda rich. Dun understand why we're giving her money...

Was talking to Huimin abt my family. Coz of all the grandfathers who have been passing on these days. I never felt close to my grandparents before. My father's parents passed away when I was very young. + I hated my grandmother for what she did to my aunt and my father. My mother's foster parents speak cantonese so we never had much of a conversation. Somemore now I only see them once a year, unlike when I was younger, we'd visit them every Sunday. I only feel close to a couple of the ah mahs I got to know at KWSH. And now I only see one of them more often coz she stays near my place so I meet her and her maid sometimes in the morning on my way home after work.

6 days have passed since my little sis bought me the gummies. Been eating a lot of it these mornings... yet there's still so much left... aw man she really did buy a lot for me... *feeling blessed*

Haha just saw a friend's friend on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire (Chinese Version) with his girlfriend. So cute sia.. then just lidat they won $1000.

Den a while ago, saw Michael Jackson performing on TV. Inspirational. No matter what he does, no matter how he's changed, he'll still be who he is, who he was, who he ever will be. Loved by many, respected by many.

K.. going to buy stuff for ppl at work...den work...

Went for sign language course before work. Beginners Stage 1. This time got no interpreter. So our instructor wrote what she wanted to tell us on the whiteboard. Pretty lady. Not as interesting, but still, it was fun. I was like the youngest there. Somemore the only one with golden hair. But my course mates were really bubbly. Special in their own way. Luckily I wasn't the only one weak in sign language. All of us were stumbling over the signs. Somemore I had the air-con blowing directly at me. I was freezing inside, my fingers were stiff. Abit the hard to sign loh...Oh and I got my Sign language dictionary! Yeppiez~ Then got this pretty lady sitting beside me, very amiable, made me feel really comfortable unlike during DCCL when I was to myself most, if not all the time. She kept asking me questions, coz maybe coz of my age I was able to absorb wat was just learnt earlier more easily. Hope she doesn't mind me telling this, but she told me she's 30 already. She looked like 25 to me.. really pretty and jovial. Den she kept asking me this sign that sign. Then there was once my instructor wanted to catch our attention but 1/2 the class was busy doing the pair work and signing to each other thingy. So she turned off the lights and on again. Then she wrote on the board "I turn the lights on and off to catch your attention heehee (yes she included heehee in the sentence. so cute right?).. this is what deaf people do." Then before our break she came to me and the pretty lady beside me and asked us if we were cold and we were nodding our heads and hugging ourselves showing to her that we were indeed very very cold. Hehe, she taught us how to sign "very cold". So that was like the sign I used the most in the 2 1/2 hours. Hmm den during break, stood outside and watch the deaf guys having soccer training. Really interesting watching them, watching how the coach gives instructions, how they sign to encourage each other on, signing to people upstairs watching them, den a couple whose signs got ignored... Then there was this guy in a T-shirt that read "Silent Strikers". Cool eh..? I really salute them... Ok then we played this game that tests our memory, reaction time and signing ability. It was really funny, and the people in my group were really fun. Hehe.. lost really badly in the first round but managed to stage a comeback in the second round. Haha.. but actually I should have lost, coz I had an advantage. But whatever. I won. =P Now must practise what I learnt. =)

Really happy that I'm finally one step closer to fulfilling this other childhood dream of mine... hope next week's lesson will be even better.

Valentine's day is around the corner. As expected, I'm still single and dateless. My angel's in NS, and the one person I used to allow myself to go out on Vdae with is now attached, I'll be spending this Vday alone again.

Changed the song to Vertical Horizon's Everything You Want. This is our song. My angel and myself. After V Day den change back to Gui Ji. Can larh horh...?

Well, though the blog plays Vertical Horizon, I wanna recommend another song. I always said I love Uriah Heep, I love Deep Purple...blablabla.. but I love Scorpions a lot too. And here's my favourite Scorpions song...wrote it in my blog before too...

"The wise man said just walk this way
To the dawn of the light
The wind will blow into your face
As the years pass you by
Hear this voice from deep inside
It's the call of your heart
Close your eyes and you will find
Passage out of the dark

Here I am (Here I am)
Will you send me an angel
Here I am (Here I am)
In the land of the morning star

The wise man said just find your place
In the eye of the storm
Seek the roses along the way
Just beware of the thorns

Here I am (Here I am)
Will you send me an angel
Here I am (Here I am)
In the land of the morning star

The wise man said just raise your hand
And reach out for the spell
Find the door to the promised land
Just believe in yourself
Hear this voice from deep inside
It's the call of your heart
Close your eyes and you will find
The way out of the dark

Here I am (Here I am)
Will you send me an angel
Here I am (Here I am)
In the land of the morning star
Here I am (Here I am)
Will you send me an angel
Here I am (Here I am)
In the land of the morning star" - "Send Me An Angel" by Scorpions

Will my angel come to me this Valentine's Day...?

A lot of things to do before I sleep today. Must renew my passport. Den wash marshmallow wrappers. =P Oh and I need to clear up my room. Making weiwei's prezzie made me dig up a whole lot of stuff in many places so now my side of the room looks like there was an earthquake yesterday. Haha..

Tonight got Sign Language lesson. *excited* Sleepy.. hope I won't fall asleep there...=)

Going to work soon. Just woke up not long ago. With a sore throat again. Stupid chips. But nice. Mother buy one, yumyum. But sore throat. Badbad. Nose block again. Later go work must find plastic bag again.

Had a super embarrassing bus ride home. Fell asleep and guess I kinda leaned on the guy next to me. Den I almost fell off my seat (coz I sitting on the facing the side seats). Den I dropped Weiwei's present, so now the door like totally fell off. Luckily didn't break. Grah... and I was in my adoclife singlet. Capoeira juz got disgraced. So sorry...

K.. shit time. den work. Sick.

So sleepy... it's been 26 hours since I last slept. Something good better happen at work tonight to keep me awake.

Anyway, spent the morning making the present for (yup) Weiwei. Not very satisfied with it coz I think the first one I made looked nicer. But when I showed it to Joe and mestre, they were kinda amazed by it. Fazli too. So..yeah at least it's still quite ok. Joe could even see that one of the figures was doing a compasso. Luckily I managed to make a figure holding a berimbau. Otherwise it wouldn't be obvious enough that the beads inside were actually of a roda. Weiwei can imagine wat I made u already?

Bringing it to work to show Huimin. Hope it doesn't break, though the door already fell off.

Yeah I went to class, but sat out of it coz I didn't bring my uniform. Mestre actually allowed me to join the class and pay later. But then mestre seemed really excited about the change in my hairstyle and hair colour. I was trying to tell him why I wasn't around yesterday and why I wouldn't be joining the class today but he kept playing with my hair. But well yah he finally got settled down and listened to me. And he wasn't too angry about it. And we kissed. Haven't gotten a kiss from him for so so long... real sweet. And he made me DJ of the day~ Haha...

Ok just went downstairs to pass Mulata my camera. Hope whatever I took wasn't too bad though I know they ARE bad.

Then class started, and I sat in my corner. Class was like super siong. Somehow everytime I sit out of class, class gets super siong training. Even tripa got kinda bummed out. But today while watching them, really wish I could be in class loh. They were learning macacao and s-dobrados... then there were the new songs, mestre even taught the class portuguese and the rules of competitive capoeira. (if i'm not wrong lah..dat was wat he taught rite..? those who were in class..)

Then at the end of class, mestre said "Azeitona I see u Saturday?" And I went "yah." And he said "now u go work?" I said "no. 11.30pm. to 6.30 tomorrow morning." Mestre "Oh my god..." and blablabla... But he asked me if I used some medicine on my face coz it looks better. =) Thanks mestre. Long time since someone said my complexion improved. Everyone who saw me will ask me why I never take care of my face. I got take care k... really got improve alot le lorh.. only mestre and simpatia will notice...

Managed to find the marshmallow that I want G to buy for me. But I think these days can tell him dun need to give me coz I can provide him and myself with them.

Suntec city in front of Carrefour got this Mazda exhibition thingy. Then the moment I saw the cars I could hear "zoom zoom zoom capoeira mata um..." in my head... Haai... miss capoeira sia...

Tonight packing food. Wonder if shuai didi got bring food for himself, otherwise he again have to go hungry.

K go sleep awhile.

I'm not money-minded. I dun like money. I dun like a lot of money.

I'm such a lucky girl yet I do not see it. I do not appreciate it. My mother wants me to use my ang bao money to pay for class and go for it. I want to use my ang bao money for her operation. My parents believe that my ang bao money is for me to keep for good luck. I believe that ang bao money is meant for parents to keep coz they've been giving their money to other kids.

This year when I can afford for myself, earning my own allowance, they do not accept the money. Other years, they take abit of it.

I dun understand why I'm feeling so angry with them. I shouldn't be right?

Maybe I just dun like it when I give my parents money and they dun accept it.

But I dun like money that drops from the sky. At least, not now... although the money does come from a long history of chinese culture.

I'm not sleeping today. I dun wanna miss capoeira class again.

Fuck.

Capoeira. I feel like the cold, unfeeling girl wallowing in self-pity again.

Feel so full now, after gobbling down a whole load of jelly beans and the gummies that my sister gave me. Time to digest the junk and do some blogging!

My mother has been getting me to accept her money and go for classes coz I'm paying $120 this month and I lidat dun go for 2 classes very lugi.. But I dun want leh...

Feel so irritated with myself. Was supposed to be down at Substation today even though I wasn't joining class coz I couldn't afford the fees yet, but in the end I slept through and when I finally woke up, it was already 6.30pm. And I missed signing the card for Weiwei... always lidat one leh... dat time Corinna's card also I didn't sign... everybody's birthday cards I also didn't sign...

I feel so very outcasted...

Just returned home from PS Spotlight. Think I bought a bit too much stuff for this thing that I'm making. Guess that means I have more material to experiment on new ideas.. Still...hope I would be able to give it to her, dun wanna waste it really...

Weiwei: I feel really bad about not being there today. Feel so bad about never being there for you. I can never understand what you're going through now, what you have been through, what you will go through in time to come. But I'll wait for you should there be a time when you come back to class, and we'll change together again, in the toilets, in the classroom, or in the storeroom, and we'll play capoeira in the roda again~ cheerioz princess!

Tonight only me and fishcake. Guess I'll bring my craftwork to work on during break. Hope fishcake won't be bored by it...

Sleep... needed badly...

Back from bath. Mother just came home. Told her about me missing class today and tomorrow. She wanted to pay for me first but I didn't let her. I already owe her more than a hundred dollars...

...to be continued...

Munching on jelly beans even after a really heavy breakfast. I really dun care abt getting fat... haaiz...

Mother kept asking me about capoeira class this morning, and I was trying to avoid her question. I dun wanna let my father know that I'll be skipping class today and tomorrow coz I got no money to pay for this month yet. I'm only getting paid on Monday.

K... enough of jelly beans. Time to go bathe...

Little sis bought me 2 big packets of gummies from Tampines Mini Toons. I just said only den she really went all e way there and spent more than $10 on the food. Aww... ok all of them goes into my tummy, whether I get fat or not, I'm not sharing them with the ppl at work. =P

Ok... at first I loved my new hair colour. And I didn't know I wasn't supposed to wash my hair(at least tonight). So I did. Did the colour run? Somehow it didn't seem as golden as when I first saw it.

Whatever. The more I look at it the more I see a monkey in my reflection. Just...doesn't really suit my personality at night. Oh well... let's see how it goes.

Anyway, when I was with Devina, I was happy. Really happy. Felt so guilty causing her to go without lunch, we went Sakae Sushi, thinking I would be treating her. Turned out she's smarter. Can never outsmart this girl. Hey Dev, thanks a million for today...=)

Super sleepy. Hope there's work today to keep me awake.

Going to sleep soon. Must wake up earlier in the afternoon. Getting my haircut! Hope it doesn't turn out too disastrous...

Must remember to go Spotlight, important stuff to buy before tonight. Guess tonight's break time will be spent with wood and glue.

Tomorrow morning cannot take the bus with Huimin coz must take 857 to meet my parents at the market for breakfast.

Haiyoh... irritating larh... haven't called the hairdresser yet... still haven't sleep yet. Kept calling her in the morning but she always not home. Haiyoh... I not enough sleep liao larh... later still must go Spotlight buy stuff for making the little house foto frame that I made before than I am now making for someone(no not my angel).

Yep, been sawing at wood all morning and into the afternoon waiting for time to pass. Must keep myself busy otherwise I'll fall asleep and then miss making the appointment for tomorrow. Luckily I've decided not to dye my hair blue, otherwise the hairdresser sure very angry one. Haai... yeah my mother's happier too. And I'm still going for my sister's wedding. Hehe...

Feeling sleepy...but cannot sleep yet...

K... clear up the floor of sawdust, den can call the hairdresser, den can go sleep le..

Okie... I have 1/2 an hour. Then call the hairdresser for the shit dye hair thingy. Grah.. so troublesome.

I'm so so so forgetful, so unlucky this morning. Forgot about going to the temple, forgot that I'm not supposed to wash my hair today. I'm such a hopeless Buddhist. Guess I'll never make it as a nun.

Haai... super sad. What's with all the hoohah over getting blue hair manz...

I've decided to settle with the common light brown. Sheesh. Hairdresser can't do it for me. She say it won't show unless I dye my entire hair blue. Den I must bleach. And ruin my hair... *heartache*

Haai..

Hmm...munching on Jelly Tots. Favourite. Somemore is elder sis give one. Yummy.

Hmm...which reminds me, I'm not getting my hair blue. Means I dun hafta go for sister's wedding? *evil grinz* Ok larh.. I'll still go. Since now her fiance calls me when he sees me and says bye when he leaves. Haha... seems like I elder horh.. he must report to me one. Harhar... who call him to cause my sister to change. Actually I think my sister become the way she is now is coz she see my younger sis and myself got more freedom to do wat we want at our age coz when she was our age she was still not allowed to do many many things. Yeah my parents' fault, but o well...

Ok back to the hair issue. Think tonight go work I ask around somemore. Actually I was thinking of going to the hairdressers that the ppl at work go to. But horh I feel bad larh, coz the hairdresser I called help me check out the situation lah, the cost larh, the condition larh, the method larh, for getting my hair blue. Alot of work loh. So yah must patronise her no matter what.

Dunno larh... see how after tonight.

Haai... sad.

Hehe... feel so bad. My angel birthday today, but I rejected celebrating with him on Saturday coz I predict I'll be super tired. So yeah..lidat loh..

Happy Birthday my dear angel. *hUgz*

Today's the record. 3pm and I'm still awake.

But it's for a reason. I'm still thinking whether to highlight my hair brown or blue. Just called the hairdresser, den I have 1 hour to decide whether I want blue or brown. But I only give myself half an hour to decide coz I need to sleep!

Ok here's the problem :
Hairdresser says if I wanna highlight blue colour, I need to bleach 1st, den do blue. Hmm... Steve said before for his hairdresser, if I wanna do blue colour I dun need to bleach. Hmm? So why this one need to bleach? But if I dun want to bleach, den the blue on my black hair will be not very obvious, den I'll be like wasting my money. But if I bleach, there are chances that my hair bleach already the colour not nice enough for the nice blue to be seen.

I really want blue, even if it's not obvious.
1) I dun think I look nice in blue hair. I just wanna be different. Oso coz I've been telling ppl I wanna highlight my hair blue. My pride does matter. =P
2) So my aunt will not realise that I highlighted my hair.
3) My mother actually dun like one, but coz I want to so much, she say so long as it's not too obvious, coz she thinks blue's a rebellious girl's hair colour. Ok I'm rebellious

Am I stupid? Haai... see how larh. Call her later and see.

Did something quite interesting today after work. For me to know, and for u who read this to be kept in suspense. harhar...

Happy Birthday my dear angel. *hUgz*

Oooh.. look at the time... and I'm still awake... must have been the breakfast. Next time must sleep before mother comes home otherwise I'll be tempted to eat before I sleep again...

This morning feel abit tired. Think being sick is good. At least will feel tired, won't stay up too long before sleeping, that'll prevent me from eating before I sleep.

Today Tuesday le. Friday highlighting hair, means when I return home from work tomorrow morning must call Huishan's auntie to arrange appointment. Asking Huimin to go wif me. Heh...unless Devina can make it..

Just woke up when I should have done so 7-8 hours ago to go to East Coast for capoeira. Oops.. I'm so lazy. But I'm down with sickening flu. Nose so seriously blocked had to breathe through my mouth to get to sleep...

But it was such a long blissful sleep. Maybe coz I watched Peter Pan before I slept. Had the most beautiful dream... (actually it didn't start off very nice but it got really sweet..) and I woke up just when the dream ended. Had I woken up any earlier I would try to go back to sleep to finish the dream. Luckily I didn't. Beautiful. One of the most beautiful dreams. I could just smile thinking of it.

God sent me another angel to lighten up my dream. Thank you Lord.

Got my voice, can talk, but still abit hoarse. Got 2 days to get my voice back so I can call Huishan's auntie to fix appointment to get my hair cut, straightened and highlighted on Friday! Mulata wanna go with me?

Work again later. Must remember to bring plastic bag and tissues.

I lost my voice! My mother said I could eat the nian2 gao1 but I told her I sore throat leh she say never mind larh no harm one. I ate one piece den went to sleep, den when I woke up, my voice was gone!

Stupid woman. =_="

Hmm...slept only 3 hours today. And I managed to wake up. Good day to be in time for capoeira classes, but there's none today. Other days when got capoeira I always feel too tired for class.

Actually quite tired larh, but waiting for Dev to call to tell me wat time meet her so can't go back to sleep. Then later those friggin' relatives of mine coming over again. Damn it, I just had to lose my voice today, otherwise I would shoot back at those fucking brainless creeps for every bad comment they say about us and our house.

Huimin was over at my place for Vitamin E lotion for her sunburn. Just left the house, after a bit of exploring. Hey Huimin, 4got to give u the Jay Chou pic..

Talked about work. Didn't realise how fun I felt work was until I start recollecting the things that happened at work to Huimin. And it just keeps getting better.

Sleep... 2day no class. yeah~