I found new motivation in life. =) Guess what. It's not from zy. Haha.. =)
& when zy comes for the party at my place on New Year Day, I won't be home! And if he drinks too much and finds reason to stay over again, I'll move back to hall!! Muahahaa... bastard.

Den again, I could just pray really really hard that he gets initiated and have to go back to camp. bleahz.

I wanna thank my motivation for making my bad day yesterday at training not as bad as it could have been. I was devastated with my performance for the last class of the year. But thanks to you, your little attention and actions, I could leave with a smile in my heart. They mean alot to me and I appreciate them. Thank you~ =)

kk bzbzbz...

woh... been a week sia since e last entry. Been so super busy.. I finally had like 3 hours of peace to myself... stoned in my sis' room doing nothing, listening to The Riddle on my laptop over and over...

Yep The Riddle by Nick Kershaw is this old song that I like for many years since I first heard it and heard it 2 days ago on the radio and finally got the title and found it. So happy sia...

K time to update of happenings since my last update...

15-17 Dec was Nuang Trip. Great trip. Will blog abt it sometime after I move back to boon lay bah. Miss the people. Everyone so nice. Ribbon the dog that accompanied us up the mountain and down... fond memories. cuties. fotos. experiences. jokes. yup fun moments. treasure them all.

18 Dec - Song signing prac at SAD. Had to learn e other 2 formations. ZX, JZ & LE were very nice sia. Coz at e start I was showing zx & jz the rashes I got from the trip and zx was like "hey u quite man leh like dragon boat one" diaoz... den later my rashes kinda spread to my face so I told zx i go see doc and jy let me go. den i come back join them in dry run for the event. I was scratching myself most of the time. ww was in a super good mood sia dat day. yeah all of us kept suaning ww. totally full of smiles arh he... =) Den after it all I went down to substation. Luckily still in time. Batizado was just getting started! =) Played abit on the pandeiro. =) pedra n. was there!! man... been like so many months... k then after batizado the few of us sat at the coffee shop and talked. yup, everyone who's there, who spoke, who shared stories, i won't mention here. I'll treasure in my heart. it was a very nice feeling though some stories were sad. i got to know discipulo a little better. =)

19 Dec - back to training. back in class. kena teased by d for my rashes sia. training not too bad. but super tiring. we learnt new sequences! kinda neat ones too. rasteiras. den we plays wif s'. can't do s dobrados so do s-es. like waves sia. and c & d were doing them 2gether and us corda verdecruas were playing ard until we got caught den had to train again. hee. den after class back to coffee shop n talk talk... really nice to have pedra n. back. =) there's just so much to learn from everyone around you...
k den went home. shuai ge was at home, fixing e comps. den i got to packing my stuff in my backpack, prepare to go back hall coz nxt day washing stores. den shuai ge fixed my laptop~ den he accompany me back to sch. hehe.. =P actually is only half-way lah coz he take until clementi den say go find mother. haha. bleahx. but he not bad larh. say will help me wif my computing next sem. reached hall. put down stuff. turn on laptop. concuss with the ironing board nxt to my bed.

20 Dec - morning wake up.. Washing of stores. was late sia coz loading e pics into the cd. Den wash stores den all accounted for le den everyone left den dumb dumb me stayed behind with the 4 main commers. den mb came~ =) help him wash groundsht den he left for lab. =( & YQ came. den M & 6688 started teaching me & YQ bridge. dunno how to play sia... but alrite lah. lose n lose but learn abit. den stores dry le. 6688 drove us & e stores up to ny hse to return. den i zao le. back to hall. play play com den see the weather so nice asked roomie whether she wanna go jog. den we went jogging. wah. din noe my roomie always say she very weak in e end run so fast. she very good sprinter sia. k den go back hall den follow her everywhere run her errands. den i ate her ice kachang. heh. her fren drove us back to hall. den i zzz le.

21 Dec - Performance at East Point! Morning wake up pack stuff headed back home den went down to simei. but e grp only got me & zx so we pretty much stoned ard. until more ppl came. practised once. den time for performance. i was quite nervous larh but jz was very nice den she help to calm me down. after e performance we took foto. ww kept teasing me abt my name arh. funny guy larh he.

22 Dec - Performance at Bugis! Quite excited abt it actually. Did a keychain for 1 of e snrs. showed zx. so set i'll be making 1 for each snr. zx quite sad arh coz our grp again only e 2 of us reach early. i oso dunno how to cheer him up. oh he dyed his hair. haha. cute larh he. we practised wif yh coz l actually tot she can't come. but she finally made it. and we had quite an audience. but coz of the lightings.. i duno larh i made quite a blunder but heck itz over. i was quite tempted to tear off this poster wif hossan in it as phantom of the bugis stage. but didn't in e end. haai. a few of e guys actually wanted to help me get the poster leh. so nice sia. & i didn't even noe them. haha. ntu guys some quite nice larh. got this guy he actually asked me abt my signing. he very cute larh. nvr knew i got someone who likes my signing and notices me from the day we did dry run at lt1a. hehe.

23 Dec - Performance at West Mall! Last performance! Quite excited sia. Somemore I reach there and jz was there. hehe. den she kept helping me wif e presents. zx was impressed wif e gifts. hehe. toopid justus kept filming me while i made e stuff. hehe. den 2day got more ppl come. we could practise right from the start! yeah! jy was very funny larh. but serious oso. hehe. but i was super active. all e dumb dumb moves. heh. den we went for dessert. saw the west mall stage. super small can. for a moment i kena stunned. hmm den performance started. ww came! den we were planning e moves. countdown sia. finally my grp's turn. think i didn't stumble except in front when i nearly fell while walking down e step. "when u believe" finished beautifully. and that marked the end of our 3-day song-signing performance. we gave out our gifts. quite happy sia when i passed the keychains to the snrs they all came to me to thank me. esp ww. see his eyes, his reaction. i dunno lah but i can sense his sincerity. really appreciate it alot loh. =)=)=) think of the way he thanked me, and the way he spoke for others who received the same gifts from me, thanks ww. you made my day~ yup & rp gave us juniors all a gift each. i got odie. quite cute. =) km took my radio. we(actually only 3 of us) had dinner wif kallang centreheads. den i went home le. happy sia dat day. signed the perfect christmas from the heart.
Thank you dear members of Perfect Christmas. when I 1st got to know all of u I tot i'd never fit in but as times went by, we kinda bonded even though we hardly always get to practise together. always got missing ppl. but I'm glad I got to know every one of you. ww, zx & jz, respect. thanks for e wonderful & priceless experience.

24 Dec - Xmas Eve! afternoon went bugis walk walk look for prezzie for party on xmas. den went indoor stadium meet J for service. it was great fun. talked quite a bit wif hm. =) Yeah service was just service larh. den went countdown. woh that was where it began. Happening like nthing lidat. but it was nice to see everyone watching out for one another, esp the older guys. i dunno them arh, but they still take care of me. when the clock struck midnite there was cheers and orchard was wild. den had to squeeze out of the place sia. on the way out we got separated & i was left wif this 15 yr old girl and her 16 yr old brother, and this other guy dunno wat age but he behave like a big brother. Big bro very good arh. take care of us 3 kids. but i oso try very hard to take care of little girl & brother. experience of a lifetime. good & bad but very happy. thanks ah J. thanks for inviting me, taking care of me. Big bro even said J would kill him if anything happened to me. hehe. sweet... went home.. make present for gift exchange nxt day. got into bed ard 4.30. tot abt the night. think abt the 3 guys who sprayed dunno wat fuck into my eyes. pissed off. listen to my mother's alarm clock ring n ring n ring. den finally can sleep...

25 Dec - Merry Christmas. Day started off quite screwed up. Make the present until quite keksim. Caused jo to wait an hour at the mrt stn for me. finally picked her up. den the rest started coming in. den leave them to do their own stuff. den j finally came! went to pick him up. =) met jj. wait for them to buy prezzie den go back home. they play bridge, gift exchange. i got bath fizzies from jo~ buddy actually said i could change prezzie if i didn't get wat i want but nah cannot treat jo so bad. i said i wanted jj's prezzie but j got it instead. den he let me open e prezzie for him. hehe. nice. buddy got my present! but he liked everything that i bought and didn't notice the parts that i made. but good oso larh. heh. buddy get it oso good. dunno y they pass it ard oso. throw face arh... = but quite happy that buddy got it. buddy got extra chocolates for me too! =) happy leh. k after that jf came. hehe den we all started bullying him, make him run errands. send buddy n shifu off coz dey need to leave early. yup den went back n eugene n yl going off le. den me, j & jf went jj's place. wah his place super nice sia. so many comics. & jj even loaned me his entire flame of recca comics leh. haha e 4 of us could juz talk n talk n talk. din noe jj actually so nice sia... i say i want den he just lend me. we were like joking say wif jj ard all 3 of us can dabao nxt sem le. haha... haai maybe only i will dabao bah. k den i walked j & jf to mrt stn den i walked back.

zy stayed over 2nite. he got me the FF8 jigsaw!! somemore 1000 pieces loh. hehe so super happy sia...

hope can meet l 2mr. miss talking to him alot.

really alot.

k dat's e eventful week. nxt week even more eventful. but after 2day. gonna have good nite's sleep. 2mr got training.

Thanks Ophir for the memorable nite. Thanks J most. Since yesterday. At church. & everyone. thank the little girl for trusting me. thank big bro for taking care of me. thank j for inviting me. thank my parents for everything. thank my little sis for everything. thank all my friends for making this xmas good.

Xmas over the past few yrs since sec 3 were kinda sad. Xmas always reminded me of the one incident that happened on Xmas day... years ago... haunted me then, still haunts me now. Guess it always will. But he's happy now, blessed now, I hope.

But for the mistake I made years ago, I shall be single. Always.

Not that I ever needed love. Not that I ever wanted love.

I'm still contented, alone the way I am. =) Even better.

Take care everyone. Happy New Year~

hey peepz dunno who still comes here larh but I'm back from M'sia!

Nuang was good larh. I was super tired larh. Almost died on the way up. Weak le arh. but coming down just keeps getting better.

k lah will update u all on the trip some other time. my bags haven't unpack yet. toilet's in a mess. i'm covered from face to toes in mozzie bites n rashes. scratching from head to toes.

oh, got to know this really cute guy from the trip. hehe. hope i get to see him again. or better, get to know him more. hehe.

for now, i need sleep. my eyelids are getting heavier by the second.

take care. Happy Belated Huimin~

Casshern is a super nice movie!!! Although I didn't understand at 1st, and in between the story got alot of suddenly kena cut, and itz actually quite violent, it had a great story, wif a great ending. Great fight scenes too! Super cool...

that aside... i got my results today. and as expected I da bao-ed physics. And I didn't get E. I got an F. Quite disappointed for my Maths though. Thought I did well but still got C.. haai... watever. U all must help me larh. Nag me larh... help me larh... i cannot study on my own arh...

yesterday was a totally bad day can... i go temple... den got bugged by this ah pek to buy some shit stuff for $10 and he was making me look like a cold hearted person by refusing. So i gave him $10, took the shit stuff and dumped it behind some parked bikes and left. haaiz... was super pissed off after that loh... so glad the capoeira peepz were having dinner so i went to join them. just listening to them made me cheer up a little...

den went back to bugis to buy cake for von. den go home. watch star awards awhile. so happy Andrew Seow won can..!! muackz! I totally love his acting loh... see him play his role always moves me to tears.

k lah 2mr collect stores. den song signing prac. den off to malaysia le. saturday den come back. take care guys. n gals.

haaizz... wat a sucky month...

I really can't wait till it's all over. Till everything's settled. Yah... till it's all over.

Can't wait for results to be out, can't wait for registration to be settled, can't wait for Nuang Trip to be over. Can't wait for song signing performance to be over. Can't wait for school to start and I'm back to the daily routine... go for lect, skip lect, do tutorials, sleep in class, cook up a storm in the pantry, leave my clothes in the washing machine, go for long lonely jogs...

I seem to be losing my glow... my smile... it's so hard to smile these days... I'm returning to my shell... my own world where I feel free... where I feel most at ease... where I behave myself regardless of what others think... and in this world there's only me.

I'm not happy... but my mind is at peace...

which is what i like more than anything else...

i hate love, and i love hate.
and i'm sad to be happy, and happy to be sad.

Happy Birthday Yvonne. And Shihui. wherever u all are...

yesterday was such a bad day. nxt yr maybe i'll juz ask the ppl who nvr work b4. or the ppl who din gif me any trouble this time round. wah lau... my dad complain to me can... why the ppl i call so many replacements one...

still, wanna thank those who went to work as scheduled, and those who turned up to help me replace ppl. really appreciate the help.

k den on the way to supper... some crazy fellow sprayed axe oil on me on the bus can... made me stink like dunno wat loh... super pissed sia nearly stared his eyeballs out.

den... supper... haai... this is it. i noe i'm unwelcomed. even the thickest person can sense that i was the uninvited guest. maybe everything that happened were hints yet i still went. maybe i am stupid. but now i know. for now... i'll just hang out with the ntu crowd. maybe just ntu odac. wsc, cj, dhs, watever. anywhere else i'll still be the outcast, the unwanted, the unwelcomed, watever. even if they dun mean it that way, i can't take it. i'm not one who'll force her way into a social circle. i can do wif lesser friends. haai.

sorry gals for spoiling ur wonderful nite out. i'll make myself scarce in future.

sleep...

You are such a Disappointment. but thanx for ur honesty. i nvr trusted u for nothing.

and to everyone else who said the things i made are nice, thank you for lying to me.

sheesh.

today is a bad day.

today good day again. morning went macritchie wif von, joyce, sophia n yy. and dumb dumb me went in slippers. but it was a good walk lah. walking in slippers actually gives me better control. din know that until 2day. den while walking out we hitch-hiked a lorry. heh. the person (not exactly an uncle coz he's quite young) drive super fast can. den eat prata and the guy count wrongly so in the end each of us paid 60 cents less. heh shiok. somemore the mushroom cheese prata really very nice. "zhen hao chi best in the world...!!!" hahaa... my sis will noe wat's so funny abt dat line...

speaking of my sis... she's now in hk. whether she having fun or not i dunno, but i'm enjoying peace at home without her. haha. =P wait till she comes home and reads this and den start to wonder whether i'm lying again.. haha.. =P

class wasn't too bad except there were many a time i wished i had a chopper to chop of my ankles, or if better a screwdriver to maybe tighten the screws at the joints. trained with the nus cutie guy 2day. hehe. he's good man but he wears his abadas like pjs. can't wait till he gets his corda he'll probby look real cool then. heh. den there's this new guy who's an absolute charmer. haha. think i'll just stick to my territory. and train harder coz the nus ppl (guys n gals alike) are improving like so damn fast! yeah i'm freaked.

take care ppl.

haai hope the work this fri n sat works out fine. so many ppl i asked can't go last min and i keep having to find replacements... not their fault. school lah. or life. or watever.

screw my ankles.

yesterday not bad a day sia. morning wake up den receive a msg from cegonha dat picapau made it to front page of LIFE. so i went down to tv lounge to read the news larh. impressed sia. den go src zuo bo. den melvin found a tent wif detached tent poles so SH (hehe) taught us to fix back the tent poles. fun sia. seems like nuang's gonna be tough. gotta train as much as i can sia.

song signing wasn't too bad 2day. there was a lot of laughter. but we quite bad coz quite slow. my signing's improving must i got big probby wif the formation. oh well...

not a bad day. gonna go zzz 2mr is a long day.

everyday i seem to have something i wanna write abt. but i'm writing less. now got some time to myself. in hall. roomie's out celebrating some guy's birthday.
feel really happy everytime i go back and have my roomie so happy to see me. was even happier just now when she thanked me for the present i made her. she appreciates it. that's the roomie i had that von n noelle liked too. and she just started talking and i stood there listening. miss the times man. just that she always has something to do, and i haf my things to tend to too.

yesterday was quite a good day. at class. at 1st went mestre's place with simpatia, coz she needed to help mestre fill in some form. so i tagged along. den mestre played the batizado video. and i sadly saw myself in the roda. haaiz. but much as i was determined to train harder during class later, my legs failed me. man if there's a way i could strengthen the joints at my legs i would do it sia. den after class we sat at the coffeeshop opposite and anis and mel were talking and joking and it was really funny. and this other girl too. mel really happy arh. den i was telling them abt my hobby, the craftwork stuff. den anis, mel n me walked to bugis. den along the way anis asked me if i could help him make this platic foto frame thingy. said he would pay me. haha. pls lah, i dun collect money for the things i make loh. but maybe when i find the time i probby would try to make it for him lah. after i check out the materials n stuff. hey i always found anis someone i wouldn't talk to. so yah, it felt nice. so yesterday was a good day. not good training day, but the events after training made it a day to be treasured. =)

mestre made me sing at nus on fri! so embarrassing can. but i tot it was a good start for me lah. nxt time must try to sing without yelling. =x

def leppard totally rocks. can't wait till i haf e money to buy the cd.

take care peepz~

Taufik!!! You Won! O yeah O yeah O YeaH! There is justice after all! There is still hope in society after all! Oh yeah Taufik!!
I voted u noe. Haha. Can't believe it rite? Actually is I ask my sis help me vote one larh. Coz I got training mah. No chance to vote. Din even watch it live can. Nxt day go home den watch on video. Missed all e action. Watever larh. I oso nvr watch live one. Every week go home den watch on video.

My dad forgot to tape Rose Red for me...!!! How could he... stupid shit.
And he is also by far the most long winded piece of shit in the world.
But I still love this shittiest piece of shit. He's the bi-sexual of my life.
Muahahaa...

Anyway, song-signing is finally getting a little more fun. But yesterday's group was really small. I think the farrago ppl are so cool can. they're so always in the mood for fun. think next yr if i still can get in i wanna cross over arh. if not for batizado then i would have joined farrago le. den i wouldn't b stuck in this kallang depression. watever. anyway, i think my song signing grp ic is really good. I really appreciate him a lot. seriously. we don't talk alot one loh, but from the way he does work and handles situations, he's great loh. and we haven't been a supportive group so far. watever happens in the end, u've already stood out during the journey.

going for training le. haai sianz. i'm losing my passion sia.. this is bad... i need to find my passion back... need to start jogging 1st... after i start getting used to muscle aches...

take care peepz...~

oh.. happy birthday roomie. and belated to MengHeng n Wilson.